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| Re: When did YOU know? [message #66638 is a reply to message #1479 ] |
Mon, 07 September 2009 07:12   |
Anonymous  |
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i found out when i was 12 (2 days ago from 8th of spetember 2009)
i always wondered why i felt different to the others in small ways and when i saw the tv programme 2 days ago it became clear
this site is great and its helped me alot whoever made it a a great person.
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| Re: When did YOU know? [message #69020 is a reply to message #66638 ] |
Wed, 30 September 2009 20:11 |
Anonymous  |
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| Anonymous wrote on Mon, 07 September 2009 10:12 | i found out when i was 12 (2 days ago from 8th of spetember 2009)
i always wondered why i felt different to the others in small ways and when i saw the tv programme 2 days ago it became clear
this site is great and its helped me alot whoever made it a a great person.
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wow.good luck sweetie.
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| Re: When did YOU know? [message #90799 is a reply to message #1479 ] |
Thu, 18 February 2010 17:25 |
 claska 
Messages: 253
Registered: December 2009
Location: Derby |
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late teens, to be honest when i was a kid i was rather androgynous (my personality i mean) but i did have a fair bit of feminine tendencies that i only just remembered, represessed memories about repressing said femme tendencies because i thought i would make more friends if i acted more like a boy.
But no matter what i had a lot of difficulty making friends with guys, but girls? i got on with so easily, i remember being in this rocket competition (make a watter bottle rocket) and at first it was just me but by the end i had about3 or 4 other girls on my team, ours went the highest so we got a trophy ( a globe pencil sharpener) and they were all fighting over it, i really wanted it because i was the one to start it after all, but i didn't want to fight over it so i said you pick since I'm happy knowing i won one and so does every one else.
I used ro run like a girl or rather in-between i sort of had my arms up (like a girl...) no wait i did run like a girl i didn't even notice it till some one pointed it out to me....
any way point is i had many femme tendencies but i repressed it so by the time i went to secondary school i had a very shallow personality most of it coming from me guessing that this is what is expected of a guy.
It wasn't until i decided to give the finger to society's, my parent's and my own (rather faulty) values that i discovered (slowly) that i was transgendered, thought realising why i came under such a label took me a long while to work out, it's what i means that's important, not the label itself.
[Updated on: Thu, 18 February 2010 17:27]
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| Earliest memory [message #149116 is a reply to message #149024 ] |
Thu, 22 September 2011 08:48 |
| Anonymous |
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I knew when I was about 2-1/2 years old. My mother recalled my speaking out about it at age 5. When I informed her when I was age 19 that I was considering transition, she said "so it never went away." We had a tense conversation about her recollections of me struggling with it from the very beginning.
Kate Grimaldi
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| When I was one and twenty [message #149161 is a reply to message #149147 ] |
Fri, 23 September 2011 07:42 |
| Anonymous |
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I heard a wise man say:
Give pounds and crowns and guineas,
but not your heart away
Give pearls away and rubies
but keep your fancy free
but I was one and twenty
no use to talk to me
When I was one and twenty
I heard him say again,
a heart given from the bosom
must never be given in vain
'tis paid with sighs aplenty
and sold for endless rue
And now I'm two and twenty
and oh 'tis true, 'tis true.
___________
No, I have not lost a love, nor have I loved in vain. Actually, I am fine in that department.
It's just that as time passes and I look back on my life, I see things differently.
Another poem, "Mid Way" goes something like:
So many, not yet here
So many, not yet gone
I was writing a historical account that fell to me as I am young enough to have the wherewithal to take it on, but old enough to have the perspective of the historic arc.
I looked to see what the principals, the senior actors in the drama, might be saying and to make sure I was not stepping on any toes. I was, to put it dramatically, shocked, to see how many had passed away.
The people who remembered the old me, are crossing the bar.
I listen to people in their 30s and even 40s, and they speak to "historic" events that I remember, first-hand. And surprisingly, they get it quite wrong. Someone recently said that a surprising number of people believe the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.
A.J. P. Taylor speaks to this in his "Origins of World War Two," not that the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, he knew better than that, but that his students saw what Taylor regarded as common experience, as historic. World War Two to them was as remote, experientially, as the Peloponnese War.
If we live long enough, time is on our side. Those who seem to have something to say about who we "really" are, fade away. Those not yet on the scene, or not yet born, have only who and what we are, to go by. The world shifts from one and twenty to two and twenty. That is, we give our little hearts away, hoping someone who is negative and has made up his or her mind about who we are, will change.
Perhaps. Perhaps not.
One thing is, if we live long enough, the authority figures will pass into history, as we all will. In my case, I learned I gave my heart away, so to speak, wanting the approval and blessing of others.
Today, they are gone, hence I am two and twenty.
So September comes and it is autumn.
I think on the question of how long ago it all started and how damnably long it took to take action, the cost in friends, time, emotion, money, and opportunity.
It was the thing that didn't have a name that we recognized. I say that's what's underneath the question of "when." When did you know?" is a good question, but perhaps more to the point is "when did you give it a name?," as in recognition of what it really was. To me, the unthinkable.
If I only had a pill to make it go away, I would gladly have taken it. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Some of us handle this a small children and learn to shut up. Others choose the mechanism of burying it altogether, until suddenly at an older age, it reveals itself. I know one person who suddenly realized in her 40s, while watch Geraldo.
In my case, at least, it got better and those who were nasty and cruel are no longer in my life, and many no longer in this world. A few have come back and changed their tune and tried to make amends, but mostly not.
Gay marriage, policies against gender variance, and other strides still happen amid the shootings and dust up over Chaz.
A famous scientist once quipped that: scientific progress marches part the grave yard -- meaning that the old established way of thing is displaced over time.
I trust many lives today have been saved, which a century ago would have been lived far less fully.
I pause there.
Kate Grimaldi
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| Re: When did YOU know? [message #149170 is a reply to message #53403 ] |
Fri, 23 September 2011 09:39 |
| Anonymous |
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I'd known something was wrong since my earliest memories. I just thought I was the worst thing ever born until about 1959 when I read about "Women who were once men living as housewives in Seattle". I think that may have been my most joyful day so far.
But it was only this year that I told another living soul how bad things really were.
Since that admission, my old coping mechanisms just don't seem to work. The wonder of all the possibilities is so new and marvelous. I just go rain or shine, as best I can; into what ever I have left.
Just Sayin'
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| Reciting: When I was one and twenty [message #149172 is a reply to message #149161 ] |
Fri, 23 September 2011 09:55 |
| Anonymous |
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOg2VCUosCM&feature=relat ed
I did not first hear this in school. I actually heard this in a Twilight Zone episode, "The Changing of the Guard," and his oration moved me today as much as it did at the time of the original broadcast.
The old teacher of English fears his lads have learning nothing and his life has been a waste; of spouting things that fall on deaf ears.
And I too was once, one and twenty.
Kate Grimaldi
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) I loved to wear the dresses and outfits she made the girls. That ended with kindergarten.
