 seeking help on how to talk to our son about husband's pending transition [message #106835] |
Thu, 01 July 2010 21:31  |
Anonymous  |
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I'm the wife of a soon to be transitioning MTF. We plan on telling our 13 year old son (who has Aspergers, a mild form of autism) in a few weeks. I've been trying desperately to find people to talk to about how they told their kids and (ideally) kids whose parents told them about their experience. I figure while every situation is different, there must be some things that make for a good discussion, and some things we should avoid altogether. I think that children who have gone before would be a great resource for me. If any of them happen to be on the autism spectrum, so much the better.
Here's one of my specific questions: Son has a much closer relationship to me than his dad. He's kind of afraid of his dad (needless to say, his dad has been dealing with stuff that has impacted his relationship with Son). I think that both of us there, but me talking would work better with Son than having Husband do the talking. In some ways, he just doesn't get Son, his autism, and how he reacts/doesn't react to things. But is it better, uniformly, for the person transitioning to do the talking?
If there are any parents and kids out there who would be willing to talk via phone or email or even anonymously through the forum, I'd appreciate assistance.
Thanks!
MamaBear
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| Re: seeking help on how to talk to our son about husband's pending transition [message #106836 is a reply to message #106835 ] |
Thu, 01 July 2010 21:48  |
| Anonymous |
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http://www.TransFamily.org
You might find help through one of their mailing lists.
What does your spouse's therapist say?
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| Re: seeking help on how to talk to our son about husband's pending transition [message #106865 is a reply to message #106835 ] |
Fri, 02 July 2010 07:46 |
 CaSM
Messages: 369
Registered: June 2010
Location: The best side of 49N |
Senior Member |
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Dear Mama Bear,
First I must offer this caveat, I have absolutely no training in the field of mental health or counseling and therefore anything that I can offer is very general. With that said what is normally advisable is to consult a therapist who specializes in transgender issues. In my experience most are willing to consult not only on a one to one basis but also to offer help in family settings. One such person is a gentleman named Reid Vanderberg in Portland, Or. who, in addition to office visitation offers phone consultation. I don't have his phone number handy but it is easily available on the internet.
Keep in mind that your husband, quite possibly, may be going through a tremendously difficult time of self acceptance about now and competent therapy is absolutely essential for him, your child and for you. There is no easy answer or path, here only a common direction. I do not know how much you know about transgenderism but it is actually much more common then is thought. The most reasonable and rational estimate that I have heard comes from Professor Lynn Conway, a PhD who is herself a transgenderd lady. Her estimate as I recall is about 1 in 200.
Finally I would offer this. Be careful of internet advise. Much is well intentioned but not necessarily competent. Also be aware that there are predators with personal agendas who do not have your best interests at heart.
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| Re: seeking help on how to talk to our son about husband's pending transition [message #106986 is a reply to message #106865 ] |
Sat, 03 July 2010 18:32 |
| Anonymous |
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We have been under the care of various therapists. I'm looking more for the real stories of parents and how they helped their children, particularly how they helped to ensure the child has a positive relationship with the trans parent. Puberty is hard enough for a kid. Puberty when you're autistic is harder. I can't imagine puberty, autism and a trans dad all at once. I'm determined to make this as serene as possible for son and his father.
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| Re: seeking help on how to talk to our son about husband's pending transition [message #106987 is a reply to message #106847 ] |
Sat, 03 July 2010 18:33 |
| Anonymous |
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Thanks for these resources. I hadn't found them yet.
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