Home » Public » New Beginnings » Positive Self Esteem is Necessary to Transition
| Positive Self Esteem is Necessary to Transition [message #111636] |
Wed, 01 September 2010 18:18  |
 Teresa 
Messages: 9331
Registered: September 2007
Location: Salem, Oregon |
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Our self esteem is created and developed in us during our childhood. Initially, it is our family our parents, grandparents and sibling who help us to build our feelings of positive or negative self esteem. Later, our friends and co-workers add to our personal perspective of self.
Often, transsexuals have feelings of low-self-esteem because they are constantly criticized by their family, their friends and coworkers. We usually don't measure up as males, because we often, un-intentionally show signs of femininity (though we try our best to hide our feminine mannerisms and behaviour) - and for that quality alone; society tries to strip us of our feelings of self-worth and self-value.
Low self esteem; if intense enough, leaves a person feeling stripped of their self-confidence. Sometimes we're so stripped of self-confidence that we lack the ability to make even the smallest decisions. We think of ourselves as unimportant, and we feel alone in a room full of people. We sometimes even feel as if we do not deserve to even be happy.
Improving your self esteem increases your self confidence, self-worth, and is an initial step towards finding personal happiness and to live a better life. You gain this self confidence by changing how you think about and how you see yourself so that you genuinely; from your very heart and the deepest parts of your soul, believe that you are unique, that you are special, and that you deserve to have your need to be a woman fulfilled!
First, start on the inside of yourself. You need to ignore any and all destructive criticism or insults. If you find you constantly remember or think about insults or criticisms from your past, you need to make an effort to try to catch yourself, every time you think about yourself negatively and stop the thought from continuing. Eventually this will become a habit if you work at doing it for awhile. After that, the negative internal focus begins to stop inside your head. You must try to think and believe that your opinion of yourself is the most important opinion of all, because you know yourself to be a good person of noble spirit, and you know this better than anyone else because you know your own thoughts.
Many of us continue to be emotionally abused by other people who are close to us even while we try to simultaneously- develop our feelings of positive self-esteem. It is crucial and essential to NOT internalize that abuse and let those people continue to hurt you, because that is, in fact, letting them win. But if you let go of the past and ignore hurtful negativity; YOU make yourself happy, then you win.
Teresa
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| Re: Positive Self Esteem is Necessary to Transition [message #111648 is a reply to message #111636 ] |
Wed, 01 September 2010 19:11  |
Hilary 
Messages: 5534
Registered: October 2007
Location: 2, Camberwick Green, Trum... |
Senior Member
BL Administrator (Retired)
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| Teresa wrote on Wed, 01 September 2010 21:18 | ...
Often, transsexuals have feelings of low-self-esteem because they are constantly criticized by their family, their friends and coworkers. ...
Teresa
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True, Tree, and the worst form of low esteem is the self imposed feeling of failure as a 'man' (sic).(Clearly, I can't speak for F2M).
Many T people, when we first start out, walk around with our head down in an Ostrich position - I can't see them, so they can't see me.
Many of us are very nervous, and attract unwarranted attention by our actions. This only exacerbates the situation.
Breaking this downward spiral takes a lot of guts and a little time. It isn't easy. Going out with somebody else can help.
Relax - it does eventually pass. With it, we can begin to pass.
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| Re: Positive Self Esteem is Necessary to Transition [message #111870 is a reply to message #111636 ] |
Fri, 03 September 2010 04:25 |
| Anonymous |
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| Teresa wrote on Wed, 01 September 2010 21:18 | Our self esteem is created and developed in us during our childhood. Initially, it is our family our parents, grandparents and sibling who help us to build our feelings of positive or negative self esteem. Later, our friends and co-workers add to our personal perspective of self.
Often, transsexuals have feelings of low-self-esteem because they are constantly criticized by their family, their friends and coworkers. We usually don't measure up as males, because we often, un-intentionally show signs of femininity (though we try our best to hide our feminine mannerisms and behaviour) - and for that quality alone; society tries to strip us of our feelings of self-worth and self-value.
Low self esteem; if intense enough, leaves a person feeling stripped of their self-confidence. Sometimes we're so stripped of self-confidence that we lack the ability to make even the smallest decisions. We think of ourselves as unimportant, and we feel alone in a room full of people. We sometimes even feel as if we do not deserve to even be happy.
Improving your self esteem increases your self confidence, self-worth, and is an initial step towards finding personal happiness and to live a better life. You gain this self confidence by changing how you think about and how you see yourself so that you genuinely; from your very heart and the deepest parts of your soul, believe that you are unique, that you are special, and that you deserve to have your need to be a woman fulfilled!
First, start on the inside of yourself. You need to ignore any and all destructive criticism or insults. If you find you constantly remember or think about insults or criticisms from your past, you need to make an effort to try to catch yourself, every time you think about yourself negatively and stop the thought from continuing. Eventually this will become a habit if you work at doing it for awhile. After that, the negative internal focus begins to stop inside your head. You must try to think and believe that your opinion of yourself is the most important opinion of all, because you know yourself to be a good person of noble spirit, and you know this better than anyone else because you know your own thoughts.
Many of us continue to be emotionally abused by other people who are close to us even while we try to simultaneously- develop our feelings of positive self-esteem. It is crucial and essential to NOT internalize that abuse and let those people continue to hurt you, because that is, in fact, letting them win. But if you let go of the past and ignore hurtful negativity; YOU make yourself happy, then you win.
Teresa
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Out of the thousands of other TS women that I have met and known over the decades, not one was not battle scarred and and almost devoid of a healthy self-esteem. I have been privilaged to meet and know other women at various levels/types of gender identity that have developed a healthy self-esteem, but as I said, "not a single one healthy prior to transition".
Transition I found is the panacea that allows for healing, growth, and acceptance. It is sad to be repulsed by oneself.
I have observed though that the more current and younger transitioning women are stronger aand healthier. we have come a long way baby. Sadly most younger TS girls do not ackonowledge who paved the way.
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| Re: Positive Self Esteem is Necessary to Transition [message #112027 is a reply to message #112011 ] |
Sat, 04 September 2010 10:13 |
Derrie
Messages: 21526
Registered: October 2007 |
Senior Member
BL3D
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| pumpkin wrote on Sat, 04 September 2010 09:49 | | Yulia wrote on Fri, 03 September 2010 22:18 | I was listening to a doctor talk about this issue the other night. Basically he was saying that it is impossible to gain self-confidence or self-esteem by making a decision to have it. The only way to gain self-esteem and self-confidence is by overcoming one's fears and by making real progress, by setting goals and accomplishing those goals. It is the experience of overcoming and accomplishing that gives a person his or her self-confidence and self-esteem.
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That is exactly true. You gain self confidence by exposing yourself to different situations and triggering your awesome human sense of adaptation. You don't gain confidence overnight though, and you won't even notice the moment when you do get it so don't expect a big DING! moment. It's like playing the violin or machining steel, experience and willingness to learn make it happen.
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Oh Yeah?? I know the EXACT moment it happened for me.
Believe it or not...  I used to be an extremely shy and introverted child...no close friends...in my own little world. I was extremely creative and I had always been nurtured and given positive feed back but NEVER felt worthy or that anything was ever good enough...everybody was better than me and yada, yada, yada, yada.....
My love of plants *forced* me to open a greenhouse business....it grew, I moved to a shop in town. My window displays (even my signage) caught a lot of attention. Other businesses began asking me to decorate their stores...I was really surprised in all the praise I got and it was so much fun....STILL I felt unworthy and backward.
THEN I met Betty....the most beautiful, rich and classy lady in our town. She owned THE most exclusive boutique in the area....couture clothing. She wanted ME to decorate her store for Christmas. I WAS FREAKIN' TERRIFIED!! It actually made me sick.
The night I went to her shop she drug out tons of NASTY old decorations.....even had an ironing board set up for ME to iron her old ribbons to freshen them up.  It was disgusting...but not NEAR as disgusting as their break room, which also served as her alterations room!!!
There were half eaten pizzas, burger wrappers, cola cans, pieces of cups of coffee, overflowing trash can......THE WOMAN WAS A PIG ABOVE ALL PIGS!! Their bathroom was filthy....and she constantly complained while I was working....hoping that I was worth what I was charging her.
I went home THAT NIGHT.....energized, thrilled, pumped up!! It was then that I realized that I was a better person than the person that I worshiped.....and my "evaluation process" of others and myself did a complete 180.
November 5, 1975 ...........My self esteem was born.
NOW, my self esteem as a woman in general gets battered a bit at times.....but as far as being a PERSON goes.....I know that I am just as good and just as deserving as anyone else on this planet. Along with this comes responsibilities too.....never leave anyone behind...and never make anyone feel that they are below you. Self esteem is also about lifting others.
 ummmm writing That hurt.....I cannot BELIEVE how low I used to feel about myself....very, very, very sad.
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| Re: Positive Self Esteem is Necessary to Transition [message #112040 is a reply to message #112034 ] |
Sat, 04 September 2010 13:30 |
| Anonymous |
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All people at times during the course of their lives face self-esteem issues that I think of as common self-esteem issues simply because we are human. But the often catastrophic effects of being born gender dyphoric magnify such challenges to a level that most people will never have to endure. Being born gender dysphoric creates a plethora of issues and emotional trauma that some never fully recover from. Scar tissues is after all always scar tissue. Abandonment, scorn, hate, ridicule, etc, etc, etc.
With all that has transpired thus far in my life over and above simply being born TS, I am pleased with myself that I am still above ground.
Cruelty can mutate a person irrevocably.
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) but....well...it's my SELF ESTEEM that keeps me from crumbling.
For ME that is. Hmmmmmm