Home » Public » New Beginnings » What To Do? (Problem trying to live as my true self)
| What To Do? [message #33904] |
Sun, 01 June 2008 23:09  |
 cindy_cee13 
Messages: 1
Registered: April 2008
Location: Percy, Illinois |
Junior Member |
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OK, 55 years old. A little late in life, but, all my life, I have been hiding the fact that I wanted, or rather needed, to be female. I do feel I was born of the wrong gender. Not just a cross dresser, however, I have been wearing female clothes, in secret, since I was a child of 6 at least. I am married, and my wife has known from when we first dated. For the last year and a half, I have been seeing a psychiatrist. I finally opened up to her in February of 2008 about my secret. I also opened up to other members of my family. My sons took it well, and support me. My wife has always supported me. Both parents are deceased, but, I am sure my mother would have supported me. My sisters, brother, aunts and cousins, do not support me and feel I am a disgrace to the family. That caused a deep depression in me. When I told my physician, and asked about hormone treatment, he said he would not prescribe hormones because they cause depression, also because I have high blood pressure.
OK, I can understand the medical aspect, but, how can I fulfill my desire to be a woman now? I want feminine qualities in my body, and one day, hope for SRS, if I can save enough. I know that some as old as 70 have had SRS, so I know age is not a problem. However, I can see that health is a problem. So what do I do? Depression gets so great at times, I think of suicide. Fortunately, I have made no attempt yet. But, my desire is so strong, and I am so sick of my gender as it is, what can I do?
I can go on dressing as a female, but, that is not fulfilling to me. I want to BE female. And to go our in public, as a male dressed as a female isn't fooling anyone. I need to actually look the part. I want to actually be the part. And all of you, I'm sure, know how how I feel. For if you are a MTF TG, then you know how great this need is for me.
Cindy
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| Re: What To Do? [message #33912 is a reply to message #33904 ] |
Mon, 02 June 2008 05:27  |
Anonymous  |
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Okay... Point by point...
1. I'm 55 and have known, for sure, since I was age 4, that I was TS.
I started therapy with a very good gender issues therapist a little over three years ago, and had SRS last fall.
So, it's *not* too late! It's *never* too late! :-)
2. If even a few members of your family support you, that's a bonus. My therapist and my friends in the trans community, all warned me that I had to be prepared to lose *everything* that was familiar and comforting in my life if I was to go forward. You are particularly lucky: those closest to you are on your team! :-)
3. I think it should be said, here, that your physician appears to be woefully ill-informed about the effects of hormones -- especially on MtFs. I'll bet he's never even treated a TS person before. The truth is, my depressive tendencies are better controlled since I started transition (and have had the close supervision and care of a competent endocrinologist) than they ever were before. The fact is that hormones don't cause depression in everybody, anyway, and severe depression is a very rare "side effect", usually associated primarily with high doses of progesterones.
4. I had a really serious blood pressure problem (controlled by heavy duty drugs) when I presented for gender therapy and came out to my GP. I now need to take no special medication for my BP. More importantly, in my endocrinologist's view, my BP issues were *never* considered a contraindication for HRT.
In short: Don't bother trying to educate your GP about trans HRT -- unless he's interested in learning more. In that case, send him here:
http://www.vch.ca/transhealth/resources/careguidelines.html
There are good clinical (physician-oriented) guidelines for transgender care at this site. There are also several good, non-technical pamphlets you can download and print for yourself under the "Consumer Information" heading about half way down the page...
5. You summed up your feelings in a few well-chosen words: "So what do I do? Depression gets so great at times, I think of suicide. Fortunately, I have made no attempt yet. But, my desire is so strong, and I am so sick of my gender as it is, what can I do?"
The simple answer -- which, granted, leads to more complex and involved things -- is to find a good gender issues therapist who can guide you through your transition and help you deal with the other issues by referring you to appropriate health care professionals.
If you don't know of any gender therapists where you live, please consider telling this list where, in general, you live (identifying your city will probably be sufficient). BL has many members, scattered all over the world. Chances are, there is someone near you who can put you onto a gender therapist close to you.
Finding a gender therapist should be everyone's first step in transiton, after coming out to themselves and committing to themselves to transition.
6. Finally... Yes: All of us who visit this list know all too well how strong your need is. Unfortunately, you can't just flip a switch, or take a magic poteion at bedtime and wake up *changed*. The whole process, as recommended by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health -- WPATH (http://www.wpath.org)-- normally takes at least three years to complete, from start of therapy to primary recovery from SRS.
I had a lot of the same issues and fears as you do, Cindy, when I came out to myself and committed to transition. I'm living proof that it *can* be done -- even at *our* age ;-)
(((HUGS)))
Margo
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| Re: What To Do? [message #33922 is a reply to message #33904 ] |
Mon, 02 June 2008 08:06 |
ZoeB 
Messages: 1921
Registered: September 2007
Location: Canberra, Australia |
Senior Member
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| cindy_cee13 wrote on Mon, 02 June 2008 16:09 |
When I told my physician, and asked about hormone treatment, he said he would not prescribe hormones because they cause depression, also because I have high blood pressure.
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Find a new physician. One who knows something about the subject.
I'm Intersexed, with a peculiar endocrine system. I'm post-op, but on a massive 8-12mg of progynova, that's 2-3 times the usual pre-op dose for feminisation, and 6 times that for some. My BP when checked a few days ago was 120/70. In fact, one of the major anti-androgens used in feminising HRT was originally a drug for controlling high blood pressure, till they found out about the feminising side-effects. I'm not taking that one, by the way, I'm on androcur, a drug not approved by the FDA for sale in the US.
You've received some very good advice on other comments, and I can't improve on it. Go see a specialist endocrinologist, or at least a GP who knows the basics. Yours doesn't, I'm afraid. You can do this. Many in similar situations have.
Hugs from the Zoe of Oz
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 Re: What To Do? [message #34287 is a reply to message #34034 ] |
Mon, 09 June 2008 20:36 |
| Anonymous |
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I would have to echo the past posts. definitely find another therapist. It sounds to me like he is stuck on one issue. Although Estrogen's have been linked to worsening of some depressions..it also has been proven to alleviate others..particularly that of GID
He should have at least given you a trial and seen how you reacted to the estrogen therapy. in any rate you do for you and be happy
blessed be you on this day
E
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