Home » Public » New Beginnings » I want to start living.
| I want to start living. [message #97174] |
Tue, 13 April 2010 15:12  |
Anonymous  |
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Hello everyone,
I am a boy with many questions as to who I really am, but the most important question that I cannot seem to answer, am I a girl? To this point in my life I have lived a very reclusive life. I have one close and personal friend and I live with my single parent and sibling. I do not have a job, or any sort of social obligations. I am about as close to a clean slate as I can get at this moment.
Throughout my life I have always felt that there was something wrong with me. It was only a year ago that I thought it was possible it could be GD. I have read a lot about looking back to your childhood for hints that a person may be GD, and I remember always playing with dolls, and pretending to be a girl. I also think that my social awkwardness and reclusive behaviour could be me hiding from the male gender role.
But I am at odds with some things. I have read many stories of GD people hating themselves as children, or just simply knowing they were "wrong" at very young ages. I have always disliked myself for many reasons, but never said to myself or anyone "I'm a girl".
I know that I will have the support of my closest family eventually, and I have already told my closest friend there is a possibility that I may transition. I have been very close to coming out about it and not only "dressing up" at night, but I just don't want to jump to conclusions and upset my family to later learn that this is a phase.
I have tried to see any sort of therapist, but I simply do not have the financial means at the moment. Before I learned about GD had was very into psychology to try and find out why I feel the way I do, I even bought the DSM IV. I am not looking for any sort of diagnosis by posting this, just simply support and opinions.
In a few hours it will be my birthday, and I want it to be a day where I start a new life, a day marking the point in my life that I can leave my house fully confident about who I am. I know that if I have to I can live my life as a man. But I simply feel in my heart that I would live my life happier as a woman.
I am sorry for the lenghty post. It is the first time I've ever sought personal advice on the Internet.
Any advice/words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.
Yours truely--Anon
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| Re: I want to start living. [message #97194 is a reply to message #97187 ] |
Tue, 13 April 2010 18:06  |
| Anonymous |
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Thank you all very much for your kind words! I was directed to this site through a like on this page:
http://heartcorps.com/journeys/beginners/how-to-tell.htm
I followed the link to these forums and read a few of the posts and seen all of the support that was offered, it made me comfortable enough to post. I'm going to be 20 years old on the 14th of April. Also I have not yet chosen my name.
As I was writing my above post, seeing my feelings in words, and reading such friendly comments I have decided to take steps to come out to my family and finally live my life sure of myself and who I am.
Opening up to this site and receiving this support has given me the courage to be true to myself. Once I have chosen a name I will join this site to return the support you have given me!
Yours truely--Anon
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| Re: I want to start living. [message #101640 is a reply to message #97174 ] |
Mon, 24 May 2010 00:39 |
| Anonymous |
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Well you're lucky it DEFINATELY sounds like you DO NOT HAVE gender issues. It sounds to me more like you are just LONELY. None of the transitioners I know sound anything at all like you! Which... is a good thing, you save tremendous cost and painful surgery and get to just live a happy life.
You should try to focus on the things that you do like. Try to get out more and be happy.
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| Re: I want to start living. [message #101641 is a reply to message #101640 ] |
Mon, 24 May 2010 01:59 |
Narcheska 
Messages: 961
Registered: October 2009 |
Senior Member |
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| Anonymous wrote on Mon, 24 May 2010 09:39 | Well you're lucky it DEFINATELY sounds like you DO NOT HAVE gender issues. It sounds to me more like you are just LONELY. None of the transitioners I know sound anything at all like you! Which... is a good thing, you save tremendous cost and painful surgery and get to just live a happy life.
You should try to focus on the things that you do like. Try to get out more and be happy.
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I don't think anyone can say if the OP has gender issues or not based on this post. Living a reclusive life does things to you in the way you learn to socialize. It's only when you come out of your protective shell that you'll start realizing things. You talk to men, don't feel at home, you talk to women, things get ackward, but for some reason it feels more natural. In the end it's only the person with the "problem" that can answer the question "Am I transsexual or not?" And that's where a good gender therapist comes in.
Either way, life is easier without transition, but for me, it is do or die. And dying isn't much of a life is it?  But do think things through very carefully, under guidance preferably, to make sure you don't make mistakes you'd rather not make. There is no way back once it's out. (Not trying to scare anyone...)
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| Re: I want to start living. [message #104521 is a reply to message #101640 ] |
Mon, 14 June 2010 06:49 |
| Anonymous |
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| Anonymous wrote on Mon, 24 May 2010 03:39 | Well you're lucky it DEFINATELY sounds like you DO NOT HAVE gender issues. It sounds to me more like you are just LONELY. None of the transitioners I know sound anything at all like you! Which... is a good thing, you save tremendous cost and painful surgery and get to just live a happy life.
You should try to focus on the things that you do like. Try to get out more and be happy.
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And your conclusion is based on what? Different experience than yours? You're psychic? I wish I had your advice many years ago. I would have saved a ton of money on therapy. But then maybe I would have figured out a way to end my life and that would have saved me thousands as well.
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| Re: I want to start living. [message #104554 is a reply to message #97174 ] |
Mon, 14 June 2010 11:34 |
Isolde 
Messages: 1406
Registered: April 2010
Location: Canada |
Senior Member
Sacrificial Virgin To The Canadian Pharma Hellmouth
Standard Petulant and Pedantic Personage |
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| Anonymous wrote on Tue, 13 April 2010 18:12 |
I am a boy with many questions as to who I really am, but the most important question that I cannot seem to answer, am I a girl?
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The mere fact that someone would ask this question means that they have a gender issues. It's impossible to tell how deep those issues are. But just asking that question is de facto evidence that gender issues are present. How could it not?
So, I disagree with what the other anonymous poster said regarding this. Welcome to the club! ^_^
There are some interesting words you use in your first post though. It makes it sound like transsexualism is a choice. I don't think that anybody can say that it's not a choice or that it is a choice. Just that it is or isn't a choice for them personally. Unfortunately there are a LOT of transsexuals for whom it was NOT a choice. They went through years of pain, and for them the idea that they could have it was a choice devalues the suffering they had to go through.
Even when you aren't explicitly saying that it is/isn't a choice, you have to be careful of what you say regarding those issues because it can really hurt some people. In fact, some people will get very defensive, and one of the common statements is that if it is a choice, then you aren't really transsexual. I can understand the logic in that, because for me it's not a choice. But at the same time, I could never judge what you feel, or how strong you are, so I will never judge whether you are hurting or that you have gender issues.
It's interesting because a lot of transsexuals and a lot of cis therapists and medical professionals seem to think that being transsexual is equivalent to having Gender Dysphoria. I disagree, GD is just the condition when your gender status causes you significant depression or discontent. I know there are people out there who are transsexuals who, who were born men, but are internally female, but do not feel any dysphoria. They could continue living life as men - it's just not right.
There's a new trend in the medical community that's moving away from using terms like GD and GID (which are different from each other, but overlap often). People are starting to use the term Gender Incongruity. I really like this term better than anything else that has been used previously because it unlinks the idea that it's a disorder or a that it automatically means you're depressed. It's also the new classification that's replacing GID in the DSM-IV. Unfortunately I don't like the drafts that I've read for Gender Incongruity for the new DSM-V. But I suppose it's a step forward.
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Any advice/words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.
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Since you're asking.
Disclaimer: I'm about to give my opinion. You do not have to follow what I say. Just because I'm saying it doesn't make it true.
If you think you could live your life happily, and I mean truly happily, without transitioning. Then I suggest you do just that, just live your life the way you were. While I'm just at the beginning of my transition, I've already experienced some of the pain that it's bringing into my life. It's causing a huge strain on my relationships (yes, I know you said that you don't have a lot of people in your life, but you have more than you think, and as sure as you are that they'd be accepting, you never know), I've already experienced discrimination from several people in the medical field, and my finances are suffering immensely.
And while I cannot speak from experience, I know there's going to be a lot of stress, sadness and etc. in the future when I'm in that halfy phase, which could last a long time, where I don't look like a woman, but am living as one. In addition you can read many peoples posts and blogs about how their future relationships are going to be strained as well.
I hear a lot of people say that transitioning will make them happy. I think this is a bit naive, I don't think transitioning makes people happy. I DO think that transitioning allows people to be in a place where they can find happiness. And some people find that happiness quickly - so it may seem that transitioning made them happy, but I don't know if it actually does. It's more a long the lines of being content with oneself. Transitioning allows you to be content with oneself.
Anyway, those are just some things to think about. They may not ring true for you. And if they don't, who cares! You are your own person - don't let others tell you what you are or what you are not. That's the reason most of us need support anyway.
Oh, and you should consider registering. That way I won't get confused with all the other anonymouses.
(I know anonymouses isn't a word - it's artistic liberty)
-Izzie
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| Re: I want to start living. [message #104643 is a reply to message #104554 ] |
Tue, 15 June 2010 11:40 |
| Anonymous |
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I agree with izzie with a few caveats. First, there are many members of this board who transitioned late in life. For them, it was a choice not to transition earlier. We all make choices. Some good, some bad. Some based on our wishes and desires, some based on the wishes and desires of others. Our family for example. We don't want to hurt our parents, our spouces or our children. For some, it's a religious thing. That doesn't mean we're not TS.
The reasons for our choices are unique and often have nothing to do with how we felt or what we would have done under different circumstances. Second, there is a difference between GID and GD. The problem for me and I suspect others is that we haven't always been able to see the forest for the trees. Individual circumstances play an immense role in the process. Our personalities another. Then there is a matter of maturity. We don't all mature along the same time line. Some of us are precocious. Others are late bloomers.
I can say one thing for certain. If your transgendered, your transgendered. The feelings will only intensify with age. Doing nothing now will only delay the inevitable. The most important thing you can do is ask yourself a few simple questions. The hardest thing, in my opinion, is to answer them honestly. Good luck.
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| Re: I want to start living. [message #106262 is a reply to message #106197 ] |
Sat, 26 June 2010 17:14 |
 CaSM
Messages: 370
Registered: June 2010
Location: The best side of 49N |
Senior Member |
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Hi Hilary,
Like a lot of us I have been seeing mental health professionals for a number of years. I think that anyone that does see a mental health specialist thinking that there is a quick fix is going to be gravely disappointed. In my case, I had done enough research and reading prior to ever seeing a phycologist to pretty well know that I was GID. Since that first time, sitting in the chair and spilling my innermost feelings and fears to a stranger, my mental life has somehow greatly improved. I of course have been subsequently diagnosed by two different shrinks as being GID. My point however, and what I hope to make "Anno" understand is that it is a LOT easier not being trans and would counsel her to do everything you can to resolve gender issues with a mental professional before self diagnosing as T. Here at the BL, from what I have observed in my short time, we kid around, tease, hold each others hand, something that I need a lot of incidentally, we cry with each other and offer compassion and advise where we can. Many of us, myself included have come to think of being T as a blessing, at times a hard blessing, but none the less a blessing. I also believe that it allows us to "know thy self".
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| Re: I want to start living. [message #106275 is a reply to message #106197 ] |
Sat, 26 June 2010 18:21 |
Hilary 
Messages: 5534
Registered: October 2007
Location: 2, Camberwick Green, Trum... |
Senior Member
BL Administrator (Retired)
BL3d |
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Hi Cas, I agree with Cynthia here. It is a curse.
By the way, I really aimed this at Anno>>>>
| Hilary wrote on Sat, 26 June 2010 09:28 | ...
Most people never question their identity. They have no reason to; the fact that you have propably means you have some form of GID.
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Most humans never question their identity. Those who do are cursed with this thing; we do the best we can, we play, yes, and rejoice in each others successes, wherever they are.
[Updated on: Sat, 26 June 2010 18:22]
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 Re: I want to start living. [message #106321 is a reply to message #106306 ] |
Sun, 27 June 2010 06:49 |
CaSM
Messages: 370
Registered: June 2010
Location: The best side of 49N |
Senior Member |
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Very well said Heli, I could not agree with you more. GID, being trans, I believe, is confusing under the best of circumstances. I think that this is true not only for the individual but for the people around them. It challenges pre conceptions. Not only others but our own. It is how we deal with it that sets us apart. Some ignore, some take the suicide path some partly transition and some fully transition. I suppose that the point I am trying to make is that being T is not a life choice, it is a birth choice that none of us really had anything to do with. How we deal with being T is a life choice. if we fully accept that this is who we are, this is how we were created and that this is the life path we were given to walk then, for me, it is a blessing. On the other hand if we deny the T part of our existence and cram ourselves into a little box of self and others expectations because we have been told that if we did otherwise it would be "not normal", we may, at least in my case, find ourselves living a life of inner torment and conflict. Therein, for me, lies the curse. I believe that Heli's words are wise. See a therapist and learn to look honestly at who you are. You may find out that somewhere inside of you lives a pretty cool person.
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