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Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Tue, 06 October 2009 13:02

Hilary

Lizzy - I'm glad your here.

As to a wasted life, well if your offspring learn to be more accepting, then 'NO' - your life has not been wasted.

Hugs

Hills, xxx

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sun, 10 January 2010 11:01

Anonymous

By immersing myself completely in every and any project that I could find

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sun, 10 January 2010 11:20

Anonymous

Everyone who comes into this world makes a contribution. Even if you aren't cognizant of it, you do.

Wasted life?

Neh.

Life is only "wasted" if you elect to end it. Cause who knows what the future holds? Who can say what great feat you might accomplish?

Is important not to get down on yourself. Heck, enough folks out there in the world who seem to specialize in doing that for you. Right?

So that thing is pretty much taken care of. You got "people", as the saying goes. This leaves YOU free to do the things that are important to you and it leaves YOU free to get things in order.

Of all the things that I have been through, I can look back and find something to laugh about in each one of them.

It's important to do that you know.

Feeling you've wasted years?

Nuh-uh.

When the opportubity is right, you jump on it and you be thankful for having gotten the opportunity. So many never get it. And you make the best, the very BEST of it when you get it. And you don't look back with any regrets.

Yeah. Would have been great to fix things years ago. I'd agree. But for maybe a thousand minute reasons it didn't happen. But maybe NOW is the time. You have to seize the moment push forward.

If you spend time looking back you are apt to miss a million and one tiny, precious moments of beauty in both the now AND the future.

There's so very much to see and to feel and to hear and to savor. If you're not paying close attention, they'll slip right through your fingers. Gone forever.

And then you'll wind up regretting those moments as well.

The past is best left to historians. The future belongs to each and every one of us.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Mon, 11 January 2010 10:40

Charlene

Hey, not bad there, Anon! Kind and encouraging. I like it! Thumbs Up

Charlene

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Wed, 13 January 2010 10:16

Wendy C

Amazing how two short years can change your life when you finally let go of the past and seize on the future. When I last wrote in Jan 2008, I was just starting my transition as an older transitioner, full of questions, full of doubts, and full of fear.

I am post op now, living my life as well as I can, full of questions, no doubts, and definitely no fear now. I am contented and at peace. Although life always hands you problems, I am much better able to cope with them today than two or even 30 years ago. I will be 63 next month and have absolutely no regrets for choosing this path.

Find your path, set your goals, forget about being older. Unless you have serious medical issues (and those aren't always an impediment) you can move forward. Peace, be well, and Hugs

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 23 January 2010 17:46

Lauren

I knew what was wrong very young, but had it beaten out of me. Then came college, too many drugs (1969) and a year of drifting around the country being pretty much useless.

Then I wasted 20 years in a stupid religious cult (yes, wasted!) Left it in the early 90's and had to actually grow up.

I worked as a union electrician, got MS, ended up as a computer tech, tried as hard as I could to keep up the act.

It finally got to where I was pretty much catatonic (according to what an old friend has told me, I was too messed up to know) and finally blurting out to a therapist that I spent every night fantasizing about being a woman.

I first went to a TS support group two years ago. Now I am having SRS on March 15th in Montréal, have used up my life savings, and I am the facilitator of that support group I timidly went to. I am a case manager for the trans population at my agency, and life is starting to look like it might be worth living.

Not the end.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 30 January 2010 07:06

Anonymous

I'm "older" and had my surgery some years ago. I have zero regrets, no guilt, no shame, and consider myself fairly well adjusted (Unless you factor in my fantasy of being the mistress to a Prussian Field Marshall in 1940's occupied France, riding around in the staff car, clad in nothing but the most expensive Russian fur. But we won't go there. Heh heh.)

Anyway, on the rare instance when I do think about the past and the path that my life has taken, I smile to myself and think that the whole thing is kind of weird. Go figure.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Wed, 24 February 2010 18:54

jaiyen

ok im only 27, i know im not a later transitioner, but i did cope for a solid 12 years....
how?
LSD....... its the only thing ive ever found that can separate you from all the social paradigms of gender and also the physical paradigms of biological sex. when you are peaking, you are only you. so, i guess for me, instead of crossdressing or suicide, i chemically stripped my identity to its core where i could be myself for a few blissful hours.

of course, i also did alot of other things that just made me absolutely numb.... and i did those things in doses and combinations that most people take to commit suicide.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Wed, 24 February 2010 19:09

Cynthialee

jaiyen wrote on Wed, 24 February 2010 18:54

I could have writen most of this.
Now I live with the consequenses of that lifestyle.
Your not alone.

Hugs

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Wed, 24 February 2010 19:27

Katie

Cynthialee wrote on Wed, 24 February 2010 17:09

jaiyen wrote on Wed, 24 February 2010 18:54

I could have writen most of this.
Now I live with the consequenses of that lifestyle.
Your not alone.

Hugs

Please allow me this moment to say I'm glad you both made it! Bear Hug

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Thu, 25 February 2010 11:21

Charlene

Quote:

Please allow me this moment to say I'm glad you both made it! Bear Hug

... and please allow me to echo Katie's sentiment!

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Thu, 25 February 2010 11:31

Cynthialee

Charlene wrote on Thu, 25 February 2010 11:21

Quote:

Please allow me this moment to say I'm glad you both made it! Bear Hug

... and please allow me to echo Katie's sentiment!

A long hard road where most of the pitfalls and traps were set by myself and for myself.
I do indeed count myself as lucky to have made it to start my transition and by extension it has given me the best family a girl never met.

Hugz and Luv
Cynthia Lee

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Thu, 25 February 2010 11:34

Derrie

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Thu, 25 February 2010 14:20

Sevan

Cynthialee wrote on Thu, 25 February 2010 11:31

Charlene wrote on Thu, 25 February 2010 11:21

Quote:

Please allow me this moment to say I'm glad you both made it! Bear Hug

... and please allow me to echo Katie's sentiment!

This.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 27 February 2010 08:56

Wendy C

I am so glad you all made it here. Hugs

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 06 March 2010 14:44

Anonymous

Gina wrote on Wed, 30 January 2008 08:59

You avoided to transition when you were younger, for different reasons. What were you thinking? Was there some sort of consolation that helped you to go trough during those days, what was it? Since you could make today, I mean you are alive, I wonder If there was an specific thing you guys found peace on.. If this was so how did that shaped the person you are today?

my regards

From another thread...

Anonymous wrote on Tue, 02 March 2010 17:09

rach wrote on Sun, 18 October 2009 11:25

Fear dominated my decisions about transition for years until the pain was greater than the fear.

ditto

It is pretty simple, fear and an inability to see a successful transition or acceptance are powerful factors.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 06 March 2010 14:52

Anonymous

I have had older transitioners who transitioned at a younger age say how they couldn't or can't relate to me, )someone who started transition at 35), because they are so much different...

I have had one person in particular remark that because I was "content" to wait to transition that she couldn't relate to me because I was so obviously "different" from her.

What she failed to realize was the fear that crushed my spirit and caused me to spend years being suicidal, because I believed that transition was an impossibility, that I would fail and no one would accept me. I would be unemployable and I would die in the streets.

She just figured that I made some "casual" decision to put off transition because maybe I just felt like being a "man" for a while or like I was happy doing "man" things. Because I was content to be called "sir" or whatever.

What she miserably failed to understand was that we were the same. We had everything in common except for the fear, the fear for me was greater. So I struggled and suffered for years and years, not having any life whatsoever and when the pain overcame the fear of dying, I took that chance and started transitioning.

And then she said to me, "There is no way I can possibly relate to you, you are so different from me." "How could you possibly be so content being a man that you were so leisurely about transitioning?"

Her ignorance seemed criminal to me.

She made me feel like less of a woman. She made me feel like an outcast. And so I am an outcast. But I have found my woman's life and that is what matters.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 06 March 2010 16:14

rach

Underlying her assumptions are no doubt deep insecurities that she'll use whatever she can to jockey her self esteem up by separating herself and you and thereby boosting herself up in her mind at your expense.

Knowing this doesn't make it feel any better, but it is a bad place to be for her and folks around her nonetheless.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 06 March 2010 18:05

Karen_A

Anonymous wrote on Sat, 06 March 2010 17:52

I have had older transitioners who transitioned at a younger age say how they couldn't or can't relate to me, )someone who started transition at 35), because they are so much different...

Not all those who transined young and are now older are like that... Some are real treasure.. and some not... Just like in most cases of people

Quote:

I have had one person in particular remark that because I was "content" to wait to transition that she couldn't relate to me because I was so obviously "different" from her.

While some honestly can't relate because their lives were so different, that sounds like one of the toxic ones to avoid at all cost... Those that use words like "content" are purposefully trying to hurt and distance often out of their own insecurity and need for validation... I ran into one such years ago... I hope it's not her because she is a REAL sicko.

I understand early on how much acceptance, approval and support from a long term post-op who has assimilated can mean... It 's a very powerful need many of us have early on because of our own own insecurity fears and doubts. The more fears and insecurity we have the more we carve those things (and advice and help from such a person CAN be very valuable) AND the more we are open to being hurt deeply.

Although some have been nice, I have been hurt most by such long term posts in that way (which makes me leery of new ones I com across) so i fully understand what you are saying....

The solution is don't put anyone on a pedestal because of how well they pass or how long ago they transitioned. Judge them AND their words by their character.

And don't judge yourself by what other TSes say... judge yourself by if the path you are walking is making things better for you. Lear from others... but more by what you see than what they say...

Quote:

What she failed to realize was the fear that crushed my spirit and caused me to spend years being suicidal, because I believed that transition was an impossibility, that I would fail and no one would accept me. I would be unemployable and I would die in the streets.

Same here.

Quote:

She just figured that I made some "casual" decision to put off transition because maybe I just felt like being a "man" for a while or like I was happy doing "man" things. Because I was content to be called "sir" or whatever.

That is someone whom you should NOT look up to or look for validation from. She KNOWS she is being hurtful when they saying things like that, and is TRYING to hurt. Just Stay away from this person... That is what is best.

- Karen

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 06 March 2010 18:10

Wendy C

Anon

Quote:

And then she said to me, "There is no way I can possibly relate to you, you are so different from me." "How could you possibly be so content being a man that you were so leisurely about transitioning?"

Her ignorance seemed criminal to me.

She made me feel like less of a woman. She made me feel like an outcast. And so I am an outcast. But I have found my woman's life and that is what matters.

Must be an awful lot of outcasts running around, so you won't be lonely. Some older transitioners seem to not realize that had their circumstances been a bit different, they would be like most of us. No two transitions are exactly alike and things are now thankfully changing so younger transitioners have a better chance and better surgical techniques that in the past also. Times change, period!

I think it sad when a person makes comments like that instead of offering a helping hand. It really only shows a shallow person. Sorry you had to experience that. Hugs

[Updated on: Sat, 06 March 2010 18:17]

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 06 March 2010 19:34

Derrie

Amazing......this thread was started over two years ago......

Quote:

"Question for older transitioners"

It appears that we now have TWO definitions of what an "older transitioner" is.

1. A person that starts/does transition in the later years of their life.

2. A person that transitioned early in life but are now older.

Two ENTIRELY different mindsets.

Just something I thought I'd bring to your attention.

BTW.......I searched high and low thru this thread and it seems I never gave my 2 cents worth..... Rolling Eyes

Wonder if I should??

One question keeps haunting me....calling me...

Quote:

If there was an specific thing you guys found peace on.. If this was so how did that shaped the person you are today?

I'll think on it a bit........after all.....it's been two years! Very Happy

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Mon, 08 March 2010 16:15

ZoeB

Anonymous wrote on Sun, 07 March 2010 09:52

Why was she? Why didn't she transition at age 4? Some have.

Don't give me excuses about how it wasn't feasible. They're just excuses. If she wanted it enough, she could have, right? By age 5 at the latest.

Hugs from the Zoe of Oz
(who was too cowardly to do this volitionally... she's have a point if she said it to me, rather than you)

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Tue, 09 March 2010 02:43

Anonymous

I just wanted to say thank you for all the responses. It made me feel really nice to read them, especially after coming home from a really difficult day at work.

Thank you :)
LB

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 13 March 2010 15:48

Gina

January of 2008, I was very sad, unemployed, and broke. In the middle of this I tried to collect strength to hold on to my life. I asked this question to see if it could help me dealing with my own gender issue. And it did, I recognized that I was asking something serious, it was the last question I asked. In the fall of 2008, I started my hormone treatment. So many things had happened, I am feeling things, thinking things that I never imagine before.
I am 35 now and I am still transitioning, my body has changed, not as I expected but I am happy. I like the age in which I did it, and how this is affects my experience. That was the last reason I found not too transition, "because I am to old" I would say to myself. "There is not way I am going to pass like this" .
I am not living full time, and I would not go back though, although I have considered. I am moving on, I am writing from the middle of the storm.

You guys made it or are doing it, congratulations!

Gina

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 20 March 2010 19:47

Sevan

I assume that your nasty post will be deleted....but...

We are living our "original genders' We're changing our *sex* of our body to match that *original gender*

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Sat, 20 March 2010 20:08

Katie

Ah! I remember my first beer! Nod

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Mon, 03 May 2010 16:47

jaynell12

I was born in the 50's in an amish/menonite area. You followed the rules. I felt more comfortable with the girls in school. I survived by work. Most of my adult years was spent working. Most years I had as many as 4 jobs. I remember on summer I worked 12 hours a day every day except 1. I now have slowed down and are facing my real self. Some people embrace it and some don't. Thats ok. It's me that counts, I'm tired of living someone elses life.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Fri, 14 May 2010 06:38

Anonymous

I read through this topic and feel that my experience was very similar. Until I began transitioning at 38, the last I was happy for an extended period was Christmas break of second grade. That's when my family moved and I lost my best friend who was a girl. We were inseparable. At my new school I never fit in never realizing what my problem was. After graduation I joined the marines to prove my manhood, was married young, father at 21, and divorced at 21.5. It was at that point I stopped feeling anything. I became numb and isolated. The little girl that I refused to recognize lived in a cold dark place. 16 years of that and I attempted suicide. Getting help for that and addiction resulted in some deep soul searching and my acceptance of myself. Don't take my path if you can avoid it. There is no comfortable solutions other than transition.

Huggs,

Emily

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Fri, 14 May 2010 15:25

Katie

Anonymous wrote on Fri, 14 May 2010 03:38

Emily ... I was married at 17 and divorced by 19. I thought of the little girl as being locked inside a chest, in a fetal position, buried under the floor of a dungeon under a fortress that I kept locked and barred to the outside word.

I was numb, dead ... a zombie. BRAINS!

And still I heard and felt her screaming and clawing at the inside of my skull.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Tue, 28 September 2010 16:03

Anonymous

The thing that warmed my heart and gave me consolation while I happily delayed transition was.

1. Lack of information.

2. Indoctrination into the Christian Cult and subsequent belief that if I did transition God would send me to Hell to burn for all Eternity, which is longer than the average human lifespan so I figured suffering for one lifetime was going to be easier and less painful than being tortured for eternity.

3. Beaten down by abusive parents. Some dogs run away when they are beaten and some cower. I was the cowering dog that sought to please it's master instead of running away.

4 Disbelief that I could ever experience a successful transition.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Thu, 30 September 2010 08:51

Teresa

Gina wrote on Wed, 30 January 2008 05:59

One of the confusing issues I have to this day, is understanding fully, how some of the older transitioners can say that there wasn't any information around (at least, in the US) back when they were in their late teens or early twenties.

I'm not trying to be argumentative - truly.

Here is why I'm confused. I remember I was watching the national news in a small town in Oklahoma one day in 1970 - and there was a news article about a transsexual. I remember the family talked a little about it as they were confused by the woman choosing to stay with her wife - which is why I probably remember the news article.

I remember reading an article in a women magazine that my mum subscribed to also in 1970. I was 13yo at the time. Seeing the word 'Transsexual' in print gave me an idea - a scary idea. I decided to look up the word 'Transsexual' in both my school and the public library in my town to see if I could find more info. I did - I found Harry Benjamin's book. Expanding my search, I asked my folks to take me to the local college so I could use that library (under the guise of doing a science paper) where I found a lot of information that was clinical in nature.

By the time I was 15yo, I had done enough research on my own on the endocrine system to have discovered that a study had been done on teenage males in the application of female hormones as a way of reducing acne (I had bad acne then - which I still bare the scars of today). As I was seeing a dermatologist for my acne, I approached him with the idea of using the info in the study to help reduce my acne (It was worth a try). When that failed, I told him that I was a transsexual and that I really wanted the hormones to stop masculinizing any more than I already had. He refused, said I needed my parents permission or wait until I was 18 and an adult. At that moment, I resolved to pursue this further when I was 18.

Some people will say that someone who is 13 or 15yo is too young to know themselves, or be able to do the research that's necessary, or even understand themselves at that age. I find this statement equally confusing, for I certainly knew where and how to find the info through some very simple and obvious guesswork.

When I was 18, a newspaper article on the front page of one of the sections of the LA Times newspaper (obviously a newspaper with a large audience in 1975) talked about transsexuals meeting in a support group. The article gave specifics. A two hour bus ride from my little town to the meeting place allowed me to actually meet some transsexuals. What I discovered then was a LOT of transsexuals who were my age. Also a lot of transsexuals who were the age of the older transitioners who regularly participate on this web site (40 to 50 something). From them, I found the name of a psychiatrist who would give me a letter for hormones and in the 9th month of my 18th year, I was finally able to begin my transition. All of these folks I saw and met at these 3D support group meetings had found a way to transition before the internet - just as I had - though good old research in the libraries.

So, now you can see my confusion. I know for a fact that the info was out there when I was a child. I found a plethora of information in my middle school library, my high school library, my local public library and several different college libraries. I routinely saw articles in newspapers, magazines and on the television on transsexualism. So, with the info out there...I don't see how some folks can say that the info wasn't out there.

Teresa

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Thu, 30 September 2010 09:06

Cynthialee

I knew there was treatment available. But what I didnt know was that there were differing opinions in the mental health world about how to treat us.
I wound up finding one of the bad psychs in my 20's and it wasnt until last year I was able to get past the crap he filled my head with..
I had asumed he knew what he was talking about and that if I was really needing treatent he would said ok. Yeah not at all.

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Thu, 30 September 2010 09:23

Teresa

Cynthialee wrote on Thu, 30 September 2010 09:06

My first shrink was a nutjob. Served me right for going to a free mental health place run by the county... So, at the 3D support group, I asked around and got the name of a shrink who had dealt with transsexuals before. Saved up my money, took the long bus ride there & got my letter. Took 40 minutes of his time and he charged me $60 bucks (minimum wage was $1.62 I think...gas was .28 cents a gallon and Dr. Biber charged around $4000 for SRS in 1975).

Re: Question for older transsitioners..

Thu, 30 September 2010 09:57

Karen_A

Teresa wrote on Thu, 30 September 2010 12:23

Dr. Biber charged around $4000 for SRS in 1975).

Using an inflation calculator I found on the web, $4000 in 1975 = $16,231.38 today.

BTW knowing it might be possible for some and believing it might be possible for YOU are to very different things, Particularly when it was rare and sensational.

That is particularly true back then if one had a large built from a young age (never min having do deal with THERE very difficult things as well).

The type of more specific information available also depended a lot on the specific circumstances one was in in a lot of ways.

What people knew or were likely to be exposed to was extremely variable and other personality traits affected that as well.

- Karen

Re: Question for older transitioners..

Thu, 30 September 2010 10:27

Teresa

Karen_A wrote

The type of more specific information available also depended a lot on the specific circumstances one was in in a lot of ways.

- Karen

Such as?

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