| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Mon, 08 February 2010 20:33 |
|
Hmm. Right, so I registered for an account (Its being reviewed by the administration!) However, I'm fairly certain I don't quite fit the requirements for membership... what with being more of a confused, semi-closeted cross-dresser than a dedicated transsexual. Ho Hum. Public forums for me. Still, Sevan, I'd be honored to chat with you. We could all use a little comfort.
-James (I'm so over the cat logo)
|
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Mon, 08 February 2010 21:00 |
|
Oh Great......... 
Our first Boys Only Club........ 
Y'all are in soooooo much trouble!!! 
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Mon, 08 February 2010 21:02 |
|
Oh come come now DJ! Careful or I'll.....I don't know what I'll do. Nothing...probably.
I know a great number of folks on here use the site almost entirely for PM and nothing else. As IF I'm so different. I'm just...calling a bit of attention to it because well...how else would I make it known? Write another PM telling er about PM? Silly.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Mon, 08 February 2010 21:12 |
|
| Quote: |
I know a great number of folks on here use the site almost entirely for PM and nothing else
|
Oh really??????????????
I want names
That's against the rules you know.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Mon, 08 February 2010 21:16 |
|
|
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 07:25 |
|
Ahem, James again. I have a question?
See, I've been researching this subject pretty heavily lately, and one question keeps popping into my mind. I think it is legitimate but I fear this may start a fight.
Question: Why are those who are sexually attracted to transsexuals condemned? They call them chasers which seems quite derogatory, and I understand that there are closeted gay men out there or those with fetishes which the title is an apt description. However there also seems to be a few people out there who are sexually attracted to transsexuals who have no ulterior motives. They too are lumped in with chasers. But is that accurate? I mean, biologically speaking, if nature is cranking out more humans who can/will/do transition from one gender to another than doesn't it make sense that nature would also produce those inclined to find them attractive?
(Obviously not for reproductive purposes but lets just assume that nature, in it's omnipotence, has realized there are too many damn humans and decided to put a cap on the population or something... just spit-balling here... ignore this and concentrate on the question, People)
Damn, I opened up a whole other can of worms. Okay let's just put it like this... As a person whose gender wanders from one gray area to another, I don't find it overly important to judge others by there genders either. I've dated men. I've dated woman. And I've found that it's not so much the outward appearance that matters but compatibility with personality... maybe soul. An of course having similar ideas of relationship and life. Personally, I find a certain comradery among those who are also discontented with the body they were born with. And physically I find certain aspects of each gender appealing or repellent. EX. Men from the waist down and woman from the waist up seems like a fine combination. (I'm sometimes a lady bottom and man-top myself, so who am I to judge?) I'm not a pervert, or obsessed, and I'm certainly not posting this to start a flame war or get a date. I just want to know why 'trans-friendly' daters get such a bad rep. (Don't yell at me for asking!)
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 07:33 |
|
|
I find it insulting that someone would sexualize and lust the things about myself I loathe.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 08:09 |
|
James, you are most certainly welcome to open up all the cans of worms that you can find............just let the worms slither off silently in the night! 
GOOD questions.
I like the idea of nature cranking out "admirers" to offset the "trans" population .....everything in life/nature tends to be in a state of flux. NOTHING stays the same. Relationships change....in the end, it's all about just accepting one another.
For ME.....a man that is attracted to be BECAUSE of my trans status is about as creepy as someone that finds themselves attracted to......let's say....cancer patients?? or people born with physical deformities.
There are SOME people that are fine and happy living with their body just the way they were born with it. Many aren't.
You will find supporters and non supporters on each side of the fence....always....sometimes they are one in the same on any given day!!!
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 08:16 |
|
|
Ahhhhh. That makes sense. I feel the same way when men hit on me based solely on my body, which is a poor representation of who I am as a human being. And I think those who lust after anything obsessively is wrong, but I am referring more to those who innocently appreciate traits in another person, both physically and mentally... Oh man, now I a totally conflicted! Your comment got me thinking 'Well, how would that make me feel? DOES make me feel?' Once again, my curiosity and search for knowledge is thwarted by empathy. Aw, piss. Now I feel bad for asking.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 08:31 |
|
Don't feel bad for asking!!!
NOW, you know yourself better!!!
Are you still waiting for "clearance for take off" ????
membership clearance is a rather sticky business around here....
significant others and spouses usually have no problem getting in....as in Sevan's case. She and Cyndi are partners....it just so happens that Sevan is questioning her sanity and what to do in HER life at the moment.....talk about a TRIP 
Be patient.....
and don't whip up on yourself...............there will be PLENTY of time for that later.............I promise.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 09:00 |
|
DJ I believe that...ermm...once again, your confused. The OP is James. James has been approved, created a profile (of sorts) which shows me that em's been approved.
Now we have another "annon" person who's joined this thread. This person who's asking questions is (I believe..) not James. But simply picking up on something James said in er's first post. -Which is the issue of "internet pervs" and the like.
Perhaps it would be a topic for a thread all to it's own? I think it's a valid one. AS a spouse of a trans person...lets see what light I can shed on the topic (or...further muck it up)
I think that I'd have to be a little...in the grey on this topic. 
On the one hand I'm in love with Cyndi. I loved her in her male incarnation, I love her now, and I'm pretty darn sure I'll love her post SRS. (though...not able to predicte the future...)
Do I love her BECAUSE she's trans? No. Do I love her body because of the changes and gender crossing we're in the midst of?.....hmm. Sticky.
I am a bisexual (or pansexual..) as far as the "bits" go...I like it all. Do I find it pleasurable to be with someone who's got a bit of both at the moment? Yes. I do.
However I have to walk a fine line because I KNOW how much being in between is upsetting to my mate. I know that my mate did not choose to be trans and it is a delicate situation at best.
Does it make it easier for me to be who I am and explore where I fit within this gender spectrum because my mate is also trans? Oh that's a big resounding yes.
Looking back over this...I feel I've added nothing and mucked up plenty. Just as I expected. Ah well...take from it what you will.
[Updated on: Tue, 09 February 2010 09:01]
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 09:25 |
|
Oh no I assure you, it is I, Prince James, whose asking the questions here and prolly damning myself with the power of ignorance. For some reason my account has been created, however it is not approved. In fact until I am, I apparently cannot even post to the public threads under my account name.
This message comes up, "The administrator of the forum has chosen to confirm each new account manually before activation. Your account has not yet been confirmed, therefore you will not be able to access some of the features available to confirmed members."
So I have to be logged out before I can even add to the thread. It's very annoying. But it's all for safety I suppose.
Also, I believe you're right DJ. I'd have to marry in to join. Alas. That's okay, I don't mind being anonymous.
-James (or is it?...(It is.))
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 09:28 |
|
| Anonymous wrote on Tue, 09 February 2010 07:25 | Ahem, James again. I have a question?
|
Ah ha! It was *I* that was confused. Happens more often than not I'm afraid. When I read this I read it as "I have a question for you James!" from someone else. HA. My bad.
That would explain the lack of response to the PMs...you can't yet! HA. My bad again. Lets see...taht's strike two for me if I'm counting correctly? Hm...best watch it.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 09:38 |
|
| phx_rising wrote on Tue, 09 February 2010 11:28 | | Anonymous wrote on Tue, 09 February 2010 07:25 | Ahem, James again. I have a question?
|
Ah ha! It was *I* that was confused. Happens more often than not I'm afraid. When I read this I read it as "I have a question for you James!" from someone else. HA. My bad.
That would explain the lack of response to the PMs...you can't yet! HA. My bad again. Lets see...taht's strike two for me if I'm counting correctly? Hm...best watch it.
|
and Sevan....when you posted this:
| Quote: | | phx_rising wrote on Mon, 08 February 2010 22:52 |
*pst* See that "private message" icon up at the top of the page (when your logged in) and see how it says (or should..) "1 unread message"? Yea...click that. 
|
|
I thought.......  Opps!!!! THAT ain't gonna work!!!!
SO..........Sir James!!!!
How's it going?????? 
As you can tell by now......or not ....we are MAY be goofy.....but we have a very warm and friendly crowd here (on most nights)
It *may* take up to 48 hours for your "confirmation" .....it's a very complicated process.....must go before the board of ethics...the house ways and means committee and then presented to the fellowship for a vote...............sometimes we don't want the hassle and just toss a coin.
Stick around and enjoy the free appetizers.....which I don't seem to see at the moment...........
later!
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 09:47 |
|
*sigh* Oy.
I went though this same frustration when I was joining. It gets all the more confusing when you know someone who's got SOME information but not all.
When I applied Cyndi could see that I was the "newest member" but *I* couldn't get in. Loggin in was the same struggle your dealing with James. It appears it's a two part-er. Lol. I'm sorry that I've made this more complicated than it really should be. 
James, how are you feeling today? I'm always curious how others feel after they've gotten out a big rant that was sitting on their chest previously. I know it takes alot of energy for me to get to that point and organize myself and then actuall write coherently (or slightly so...at least) but gosh does it ever feel better once it's out there!
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 09:51 |
|
Sevan??
Have I told you lately how much I love you???
You are very, very special
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Tue, 09 February 2010 09:54 |
|
Awwww love you too Auntie Dharla.
But you didn't have to mar such a nice compliment with a side of a jab. I know I'm special  but did you have to point it out!
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 08:55 |
|
How was my day post ranting, you ask? A bit depressing actually. Yesterday was a sad day. There was really no reason for it. Every now and then, it just sinks in how futile life really is. Normally I would sleep a day like that away but I haven't been sleeping so well lately. I keep waking up at 3AM, my mind racing. This has been going on for over a month now. This feeling of an impending breakdown. I thought it was my girlfriend, so I got rid of her. I thought it was my new health-living diet plan but I have been hardly eating these past few days. I thought it was my grandfather's lingering illness but he's dead now. So what the hell is it? Meh, who cares? It'll work itself out in the end, always does. That's why I pay a therapist, after all, so I don't have to think. Ho hum. Another day. How are you all this fine winter afternoon?
-James, the Prince
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 09:24 |
|
Ok so it looks like you've changed a great number of things/issues in your life and none of it touched your depression. Yes?
So...what are you DOING about your gender identity?
Yea...go ahead and  ....I know I did when someone asked me straight from the hip. I'll wait.
Done? K.
If the answer is nothing...maybe it's time to explore that a little.
You mentioned dressing IN PRIVATE....and that's a good starting point...but (at least) for me...it didn't stay enough for very long.
Then I thought...well, maybe if I just go to the gay clubs as Evan...that'll be enough. Nope. I still get treated like a chick with a beard. Odd that....as I think my attire is quite passable, but that's neither here nor there.
So lets get creative. You've got a therapist, awesome. Good first start. You've come here....awesome. (although I'm gonna have to go to the admins and poke them...which I WILL do.) Have you been to Susan's place? (google it if you haven't) They've got an ecclectic and smart group of andros (for definition purposes...over there, "andro" is the term for any gender queer/gender vairent that does'nt fit into the standard FtM or MtF boxes.) Great group of persons over there. May want to look into it. I'm over there as phx_rising. Look me up if you do go there 
Now...back to doing.
I showed up here emo-ed out and just SURE there was nothing I could do, no where I could go, and no therapist that would "get me". Come to find out...that's not true. Takes some creativity is all. We have to think outside the box. Exciting!!! (no...not really. I don't think so either)
One thing at a time. One step at a time. I've been holding off getting into my story....A) because it's already written out in my blog B) Cuz I'm a prolific writer and my process is LONGGGGG!!!! lol.
Let's see if I can't shorten it some. I've got no issue with my gentialia. Wish I had both...but I don't, so...that's no issue MOST days. No issue with my breasts...kinda like them actually. (I know you've mentioned you don't like yours...yes?) Though I am looking into a reduction because they're obserd on the size front (DDD cup...yea.) FOR ME...such a surgery would be top surgery. It's not seen as such in the SOC (Standards of Care) which..lucky for me...I guess.
I was totally against doing ANYTHING. Convinced that if other androgyns could be happy and peaceful with their gender...I could do so too!! I didn't see any way to transition to what I wanted. What's the difference between a masculine female (bodied) or a feminine male (bodied)?! Turns out....quite a bit of peace.
So we had some gel testosterone laying around the house (long story...I don't want to make this TOO long) I started lusting it. I HAD to know what that would feel like in my body. I fought a good long hard fight...with many many tears...I hit a wall...and I gave in. I started a low dose of T a week ago (to the day...actually) and....it's really good. I didn't think it would be.
Does that make me FtM and sinch this story? Nope. Still genderqueer. Still don't really see myself wholly as a man....but we've got to think outside the binary because we ARE outside the binary.
Thoughts? Rebuttal? Hope your well.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 09:46 |
|
| Quote: | I keep waking up at 3AM, my mind racing
|
THIS is VERY important.
Be WITH your mind at this time. It is a well known fact (in spiritual circles) that THIS is the time when your higher powers are connecting with your subconscious mind. This usually happens for most folks between 3 and 4 am. Many "practitioners" actually get up at this time to meditate. My "time" is 3:12 on the dot. I've gotten away from "being with it"....it IS a hassle.
If at all possible, try to relax...sit up and breath...concentrate on your in and out breaths (yes, we're meditating here) don't push away the thoughts....allow them to take you thru the process.
Ahem....
Okey Dokey now!!
Sir James, we have a little advice we like to bring up around here once in a while.............this might be a good time~
Show up.
Don't worry.
Bring your sense of humor.
Glad you're here.
DJ
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 13:40 |
|
| phx_rising wrote on Mon, 08 February 2010 23:02 |
I know a great number of folks on here use the site almost entirely for PM and nothing else.
|
*sigh* I guess you were right.
nothing like feeling used......again. 
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 14:05 |
|
Hey >^..^<, pleased to meet you!
When I first started this transition business, I was in the same boat you find yourself now. I finally found a site called "The Gazebo" on AOL where I hung out for a while. When it went under, I found myself at a loss, so I started my own freebie personal page through sbcglobal.net. When I got fed up with having to negotiate all the ads, I bit the bullet and created my very own web page where I could call the shots. Eventually Teresa arrived on the scene and created Beginning Life, which has now gone through several iterations. Perhaps you might short circuit the process and create your own web site dedicated for FtoM transitioners. I'm certain we would be pleased to post a link to such a site on our entry portal page. I was fairly successful when I created my "Significant Other" page. Well, sort of. Maybe there were nine participants or so, but at least I got some feedback eventually.
After all, somebody has to get out there and post something somewhere sometime if it's to appear on the web at all. Who knows, you might even be as famous as I am someday!
Libbie
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 15:10 |
|
Oh...nothing......never mind me.... 
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 15:23 |
|
Good God, that took a lot of scrolling! Well, thank you all for the warm greeting and the unexpected admission into you're message boards and hearts. I'll try my darnedest not to offend anyone with my comically abrasive nature and uphold the ideals that... Oh, I don't know. For once, I am at a loss for words. However there is one thing I am always good for and that is talking about my favorite subject... myself. So on to the introduction board!
(and I don't have to sign my name anymore either. Ah, righteous.)
Oh, but first, thank you DJ, I never considered meditating in the middle of the night. That might actually work. Usually I just enter the strange and complicated bowels of my brain where I've created a whole other world of fascinating people whose lives I often live while shuffling about my day on auto-pilot. Blessed dissociation, how I love thee.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 15:29 |
|
Admissions Committee!!!!!!!
We may have a problem!!!!!!!!!
Welcome!!
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 16:00 |
|
| DJ wrote on Wed, 10 February 2010 13:29 |
Admissions Committee!!!!!!!
We may have a problem!!!!!!!!!
Welcome!!
|
Welcome home, James! 
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 16:09 |
|
| DJ wrote on Wed, 10 February 2010 07:46 |
| Quote: | I keep waking up at 3AM, my mind racing
|
THIS is VERY important.
Be WITH your mind at this time. It is a well known fact (in spiritual circles) that THIS is the time when your higher powers are connecting with your subconscious mind. This usually happens for most folks between 3 and 4 am. Many "practitioners" actually get up at this time to meditate. My "time" is 3:12 on the dot. I've gotten away from "being with it"....it IS a hassle.
If at all possible, try to relax...sit up and breath...concentrate on your in and out breaths (yes, we're meditating here) don't push away the thoughts....allow them to take you thru the process.
Ahem....
Okey Dokey now!!
Sir James, we have a little advice we like to bring up around here once in a while.............this might be a good time~
Show up.
Don't worry.
Bring your sense of humor.
Glad you're here.
DJ
|
Okay. Something interesting just happened. After reading this post, I suddenly remembered that I'd had a rather vivid dream this morning in which I was auditioning for a shipboard sound job with a cruise line. Then this little bell went off in my head. Time to apply!!!
Now, when I first moved to Honolulu, I applied online. I went down to the docks and asked where assorted offices were located. Nada. Zilch. Nothing. So it was with a certain measure of pessimism that I Googled 'shipboard audio' or something similar and got:
| Quote: | We are currently searching for an Audio Technician based onboard our ship on the seas of Hawai'i.
|
I nearly burned the keys off my laptop running through the online application process!!!
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 16:35 |
|
You're welcome???
You are soooooo strange.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 17:42 |
|
| DJ wrote on Wed, 10 February 2010 14:35 |
You're welcome???
You are soooooo strange.
|
Ah! I see. And once again, the pot speaks of the kettle's diminished albedo.
|
|
| Re: So many boxes. Outside them all. |
Wed, 10 February 2010 19:20 |
|
pssstttt.....did I get any on me??
|
|
Members
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home