Today's Messages (OFF)
| Unanswered Messages (ON)
| Forum: New Beginnings |
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| Topic: Passing |
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| Passing [message #155989] |
Sun, 15 January 2012 12:54 |
Katie  Messages: 13509 Registered: October 2007 Location: La La Land |
Senior Member Administrator Bitch Queen of Palolo BL3D Frequent Flyer |
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Don Lemon: It only takes one drop
(CNN) - For years, the woman on the left in the photograph below could not be friendly to her own husband in public. She would pretend she didn't know him or tell people he was her driver. She didn't want him to be beaten in public as he had many times before.
She learned that particular survival technique from the woman in the photograph on the right, her mother and my grandmother, who had to use it from the 1930s until my grandfather died in the 1960s. Both women were often mistaken for white. And for whatever privileges my aunt and grandmother might have received for their light skin, their husbands paid for it by beatings or threats from white men. One handed-down family story that sticks with me is how my uncle was lucky to have survived a savage throttling in the 1950s after exiting a ferry crossing the Mississippi River from Baton Rouge to Port Allen. Apparently, he and my aunt had let down their guard. They never did it again.
Heck, as a child, I wasn't even sure about my grandmother or my aunt. "Is Aunt-ee Lacy white?" I'd ask. "Lacy's black," an adult would say. Of course the reply was followed by a big laugh and a phrase I'd never forget: "It only takes one drop." Meaning it only takes one drop of "Negro" blood to make you black.
I heard that phrase all the time as a child growing up in the South. And it wasn't until I moved away from Louisiana as an adult that I recall anyone asking what it meant. As I wrote in my book, "Transparent", "Black America used to be, and perhaps still is, a pigmentocracy, which means that the social hierarchy is based largely on colorism." I wrote about growing up in Louisiana, a state ruled by pigmentocracy and is at the pinnacle of color consciousness. It was borne out of slavery.
Black slaves impregnated by white slave masters bore children whose skin was so light and hair so straight that they could "pass" for white. Long story short, many of them did "pass," and so did their offspring. The ones who chose to stay on the plantation created the light skin to dark skin hierarchy that helped shape black culture. The ones who ran north toward freedom, opportunity and life as a white person, never looked back.
The alternative was to stay with the people you loved and depending on the time in history, either work on a plantation, in the field, as a maid, a driver or be relegated to some menial job with very little opportunity to advance beyond that.
If you did pass, back then, you didn't dare tell anyone. If your cover was blown, you faced death. Imagine having to concoct a made-up history of either being an orphan or a product of an estranged family, or the only child of two parents who had already died. Even if your family were alive back home in the South, they may as well be dead because you didn't dare contact them, except to send home an anonymous envelope with no return address containing a money order or note that read, "I'm OK. I'm alive. I love you."
To this day, the true identities of most of the people who passed are still a well-kept secret. But sooner or later, it turns up in their offspring's DNA. Occasionally, it's a dark-skinned child from two light-skinned, fair-haired parents. Sometimes two straight-haired parents produce a mysteriously curly-headed baby. When it does happen, the joke is often that there must be a "dark" person somewhere in the family tree. The reality is that there probably is a "dark" person in that tree, a black one who "passed" and quite possibly avoided a worse fate with a southern tree.
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| | Topic: I need opinions, please |
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| I need opinions, please [message #155859] |
Fri, 13 January 2012 11:08 |
Anonymous  |
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Alright, i'll start off by saying that you can call me Iago (not my real name, but I figured it'd be nice if you had something by which to address me by). I'll tell you a little about myself, since I believe that the more information you have, the better you may be able to help me. I was born biologically female, and raised as such. I was adopted by my grandparents at the age of seven, after many years of custody battles. During this time, neither my mother nor my father were present, and my father is still not present in my life, and my mother only a small influence. My grandparents are of an older generation, christian and a mix of conservative and liberal. My grandmother suffers from depression, anger issues, and anxiety problems. I suffer from Manic Depression and anger issues, most of which stem from her and my relationship to her. At the current moment, I am seventeen, and currently looking at colleges to attend.
Now, then. Here is what I would like advice on. From the time that I was about ten, I had noticed that I was attracted to both men and women. At first, I didn't believe myself to bisexual or gay, mostly due to the teachings of my grandmother. She's a good woman, but her ideas about homosexuality, transgender-ism, and the like are fairly outdated. To her, gay people had a hormonal un-balance and that was outside their control, and while god may not approve of it persay, she did believe that they would go to heaven. Bisexuals, however, were an entirely different matter. Many times during my life, she told me that bisexuals were "Content to sleep with anything". Needless to say, when I truly realized that I was bisexual, I had a lot of reservations about coming out to her, and my family, some of whom were a lot worse on the matter then she was.
Eventually, I came out. This happened due to an extremely bad year in which I became very sick (My junior year) And several major factors, including my grandmother halting her medication and a bad break up with a boyfriend, led me to see a therapist. After talking with her for a while, I became firm in my belief that I was bisexual, and was able to accept it to the point that I dated a lovely young woman for nearly a year. I started to be happy, and more content with myself. Since then, I have not once questioned that I was bisexual (except when I thought perhaps I was pansexual, but that is another matter).
For the past year and a half, however, I have been thinking about something. I realized that, during my entire life, I Never felt truly like a girl. I was a huge tomboy, even from a young age. I was the kid that dressed like a boy as a child, went out and caught bugs, wrestled with my brother and his friends (And won). I was always more masculine. I Always found myself more surrounded by boys and feeling more comfortable in their presence then I do with girls. Even now, I'm the same way. I would rather wear a tuxedo then a dress, and I would rather kick back in jeans then a skirt. For what society says for the female gender, I Really don't fit in, and I Don't feel like I should. When I Take in depth personality exams, I find that I have not once ever scored above a twenty percent in femininity. In fact, most of the time, my levels of masculinity are higher then my male friends. I don't exactly look like a boy now...I'm overweight,short, lots of hair and blue eyes. However, whenever I envision myself in the future, in the life that I want to live in which everything I want happens, I Am always a boy. It's strange for me to think this, and I realized that if I had ever been given a choice, I would've been a boy every single time I was asked. To me, in a way, it seems more natural and desirable to have male genitalia then it is to have female.
That said, I do not feel uncomfortable in my own body. I never really have. I'm not disgusted with having female genitalia or anything like that, and in truth, sometimes I Don't feel female or male, or identify with either. That's why I would like some help. I'm trying to figure out if I am transsexual,transgender, or something else. And if I am, does anyone believe that it would be in my best interest to pursue a gender change? I'm already wary of this, because although my grandmother and family says that they would be supportive of me no matter what, I know that my grandmother still has a problem with my bisexuality, and has called me derogatory terms because of it on different occasions.
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this,and I hope I can find someone out there who can help me.
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| | Topic: ATTENTION NEW REGISTRANTS |
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| ATTENTION NEW REGISTRANTS [message #153023] |
Mon, 28 November 2011 09:48 |
Derrie  Messages: 20234 Registered: October 2007 |
Senior Member BL3D First Officer |
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Once in a while we will have someone to register for membership and give an email address that can't be confirmed.
This has occurred recently and there is no way that we can contact a person without a correct Email address.
PLEASE, when you register make sure that your Email address is correct.
The system sends you an automated message to confirm that you have registered AND administration needs the address to contact you!
Thank You!
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| | Topic: Free from Sexual Secrets |
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| Free from Sexual Secrets [message #149480] |
Thu, 29 September 2011 20:28 |
Diana  Messages: 1089 Registered: October 2007 Location: Colorado |
Senior Member BL3D BLF Moderator |
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FREE from Sexual Secrets...
Mar 21st, 2009 by Dr. Neil Cannon
This is going to be the only lengthy blog post I have ever written, so pull up a chair and I will share a story that is not only amazing, but important. This is a story I hope you will share with your friends, family, colleagues, and your children; especially your children, because they are indeed our future.
When I went back to school, I did so with an innate passion to help people heal sexually. During the first day in the program to earn my masters degree in San Francisco there was a panel of transsexuals. A post-operative male to female (MtF) transsexual told us that before undergoing gender reassignment surgery, every morning she looked down at her penis with self hatred contemplating suicide. Then she began to sob. It broke my heart and I remember tears running down my own cheeks as I felt her misery. It was at that moment that I knew I wanted to work with transsexuals. Fast forward to one year later -- the first day of my clinical internship. Patients were assigned to us interns arbitrarily and we took whoever came in the door. As the universe would have it, my very first patient turned out to be a transsexual contemplating suicide because she could no longer stand the misery of living a lie. If I wasn't sure before, I knew then that working with the trans community and other sexual minorities was going to become a passion.
Today, this first day of spring was one of the most rewarding days I have ever experienced as a sex therapist. A wonderful patient of mine has given me permission to share this story.
My patient has Gender Identity Disorder (GID). Many people have heard about Gender Identity Disorder (GID) on television shows such as Barbra Walters, Dateline, 20/20 and Oprah. My patient is transgendered and one of the many people who have been diagnosed with GID. Depending on which statistics to believe, approximately every 1 in 10,000 people are transgendered. Transgender is the umbrella term for transsexual which is not to be confused with transvestite. In the case of my patient she was born anatomically male however she identifies as female. Many transsexuals describe GID as a life of misery. We are not certain of the cause of GID however we do know GID is not a choice that people make any more than people make the choice to have cancer or heart disease. Some people have referred to GID as "nature's trick." The best possibility for many people with GID to live a peaceful and fulfilling life is to transition from their birth sex to their identified sex. Not surprisingly, living life in the wrong body eats away at the heart of one's very soul. Life is very difficult for most transsexuals. In fact, it can be so miserable that approximately 19% of transsexuals commit suicide.
In the case of my patient she has known from the age of 4 that she felt different. When she was a child, little was known about GID. Her family didn't know what was wrong, however something was different enough about her that when she was very young she overheard her parents discussing electric shock therapy for her. If kids today seem affected when mom runs out of Lucky Charms, imagine the horror and shame my patient must have felt as a small child to hear her parents talking about her as being a freak of nature.
Transsexuals are at great risk from a small minority of ignorant and hateful people. Last year, right here in my beloved State of Colorado, a transsexual by the name of Angie Zapata was beaten to death with a fire extinguisher because she was transsexual. The alleged murderer was pleased with himself saying that he "killed it."
Like Angie, my patient could have just as easily been killed. As if living life in the wrong body wasn't enough, last spring my patient was the victim of a vicious hate crime as a result of being a transsexual. She was viciously beaten to within an inch of her life. Considering the severity of her injuries my patient is fortunate to be alive.
(Parenthetically speaking, since the purpose of this blog post is to educate and help people to embrace sexual diversity I want to clarify the difference between transsexuals and transvestites. A transvestite is a person, generally male, who is sexually aroused by dressing in women's clothing. On the other hand, a transsexual is not aroused by wearing women's clothing any more than an anatomical woman would be aroused by wearing women's clothes. My client is a transsexual who was born anatomically male, but identifies as female. Said another way, she is a woman trapped in a man's body. Confusion also often exists about the difference between sexual identity and sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is who we are attracted to, i.e., being heterosexual or homosexual. Sexual identity is who we are, i.e., a male or female).
People also have a natural curiosity about people who are transgendered. A common question tends to be about surgery. One way to think about it is by considering the very term, "transition." Most people start their transition by taking massive doses of hormones. Within two days of starting on hormones my patient felt like a new person the woman she was born to be. Thankfully, much of her pain finally eased.
When a person transitions, one of the most important things for a transsexual is that they are referred to by their new name and the proper pronouns, i.e., "her" and "she." Anything else is tremendously hurtful. Compassionate people go out of their way to honor trans people in this way. I believe that the people who follow my blog are compassionate, and the very people who can help to influence and educate our culture about GID.
Two years ago my patient took the courageous step to begin living her life as woman every place except at work. Today, one of the bravest, and most beautiful women I have ever met took the courageous step to do something the rest of us take for granted; fully living as the gender we identify as. Yes, she announced her transition at work. The last step for her to live a fully authentic life.
On this first day of spring I am truly humbled and inspired by my patient; and I wish peace to every child of the universe who does not conform to sexual norms of society.
http://doctorcannon.wordpress.com/2009/03/21/free-from-sexua l-secrets/
If you enjoyed reading what the good Doctor had to say, then please click on the link and let him know!
Live your Dream, I know I am now!
Are you living with depression, have confusion and white noise over who you truly are internally, then please do something about it. We're here to help and guide you through your journey if you so choose it's the path you need to take. If you have questions, then please... ask.
[Updated on: Fri, 30 September 2011 07:17]
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| | Topic: When a Husband becomes a Wife |
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| When a Husband becomes a Wife [message #147422] |
Fri, 19 August 2011 08:51 |
CarolynnL  Messages: 1737 Registered: October 2007 Location: Central Time Zone |
Senior Member Comedy Club Manager |
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This is a rather long article, but it relates two peoples experience with transition as a married couple. The author claims that about 45% of transitioning couples divorce over the issue and 55% who either stay together or divorce over other issues. There are other statistics that would say the 55% estimate is rather high and the 45% estimateis rather low. There are salient points about who they feel are able to stay together after transition, and what characteristics in a relationship make it possible.
Transgender Love: When Husband Becomes Wife
By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES
Aug. 15, 2011
When Diane Daniel met her husband Wessel, she was attracted to his smile, quiet humor and gentleness -- "and of course his Dutch accent." Though it shocked her, she dismissed the occasional cross-dressing as they dated and lived together as just part of his nerdy nonconformity.
But two months into their marriage in 2004, her husband revealed at dinner that he wanted to live as a woman, and the couple embarked on a long wrenching jouney to stay together.
Wessle is now Lina and has transitioned from male to female.
Diane, now 53 and a freelance writer living in North Carolina, describes in a recent story in the Boston Globe, "Goodbye Husband, Hello Wife," how her life was turned on its head when she learned her husband was transgender.
"I detached emotionally and physically," she writes. "I cried every day. I wondered what else he hadn't told me. I feared something was wrong with me to attract this kind of mate. I was angry and ashamed."
Lina was in exactly the opposite place psychologically.
"For me, it was a big, 'phew,' --- I had finally made a choice and a big burden was off my shoulders," said Lina, who works for a medical diagnostics company. "But her whole world collapsed."
"Diane needed to grieve and say goodbye to the old me and the things that were left behind," she told ABCNews.com. "I had the strange realization that I was at a birthday party and she was at a funeral."
The turning point for Diane was when Lina told her, "What I fear most is that you will see me as a monster or some kind of a freak. That everyone will, but mostly you.''
Slowly, Diane was able to open her heart, and their story illustrates the complex world of sexuality and gender and the power of love.
But it is also a call for acceptance for the 750,000 Americans who identify as transgender -- about .3 percent of the population, according to the Williams Institute, an LGBT think tank at the UCLA Law School.
A 2011 landmark report, "Injustice at Every Turn," concludes that "nearly every system and institution" in the United
States -- education, employment, housing and healthcare -- discriminates against transgender Americans. The report was conducted by The National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, which surveyed 6,450 Americans who were transgender or non-gender conforming.
An estimated 45 percent of those surveyed said that their relationship with a spouse or partner ended because of their transgender identity.
Surprisingly, 55 percent, stayed on or their relationship ended for other reasons, according to that report.
But those like Diane who have gone through transition with a loved one, say it is a long and painful process -- and most spouses leave the marriage.
Helen Boyd, author of the 2003 book, "My Husband Betty," had a similar experience to Diane.
When her theatrical husband went from dabbling in drag to asking to wear an ordinary denim skirt, she thought, "This isn't fun anymore."
"I was shellshocked. I took a bath and just cried," said Boyd. "I knew that I would lose my male husband."
Boyd stayed with Betty, whom she had married as a man, "because I love her," and the couple just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary.
"She is still as charming and still the person who can make me laugh when I don't want to laugh about anything," said Boyd. "We still share the same world view and she knows me better than any other human being."
She said not enough partners and families of loved ones speak out about the experience, one that can be like "walking through fire, but once it's done...can be a deep bond."
Boyd, a professor of gender studies at Lawrence University in Wisconsin, said her work in the field indicates that far more partners split.
"I would not wish transition on anybody," she said. "All major life changes are difficult, but the lack of understanding is triple -- dealing with all the prejudice and bias, and even the sensationalism and prurient interest."
Such was the case with Diane, who said the six years leading up to Lina's living as a woman were gut-wrenching.
"One hour I was processing one thing and the next something else," said
Diane. "It would start with what does this mean for our relationship and how will you look and what will the neighbors say, and will we be legally married?"
They were, and according to Diane, no state reverses a marriage between a man and a woman, even after transitioning to a different gender.
"In the trans world there's a saying that 'one person's transition is everyone's transition,' " she said. After the initial shock, Diane and Lina went into therapy.
Transgender Couple Viewed as Lesbians
In 2007, Lina began hormone treatment. The following year, they began to tell friends and family, all of whom were supportive. Finally, they picked a day when Lina would "leave work as a man and return to work as a woman."
Then, just last November, after telling all her co-workers, Lina officially transitioned to a woman. Lina said she will likely "complete the picture" and have genital surgery, but international medical guidelines require that she live for
at least a year as a woman. There are also financial considerations.
By June of this year, the couple stopped seeing their therapist because, said Diane, "we no longer had anything to talk about."
Their worries about public acceptance never materialized.
Sometimes co-workers slip their pronouns, but immediately correct themselves, and most have been supportive. "I am basically the same, with a few improvements, " said Lina.
Both say that not having children has helped them cope better with the
transition. They also don't have religious beliefs that would be in
conflict with Lina's choice.
Today, Diane and Lina say they are more guarded in public, where they are often perceived as lesbians, even though Diane is straight.
"But if I really want to hold hands, then I do," said Diane. "I think it's a little easier for me than for Lina, but that's mostly because she still feels awkward about drawing any attention to herself."
As for their sex life, Diane said, "We don't talk about with anyone but us... We are a romantic and affectionate married couple. We don't live as siblings."
"I am very attracted to men," said Diane. "Does this mean I look at men and feel sad? No, because I love Lina."
Lina said that even though her gender identity is female, she is not attracted to men.
"My attraction to women hasn't changed," she said. "Mine is a gender issue, not my sexual orientation."
But, it's hard to let go of the gender notions and Diane said Lina still makes some male accommodations.
"She still kills the roaches and carries the heavy stuff, but same-sex couples have those divisions of duties as well," said Diane. And Lina's "essence" is still there.
As for Lina, she said, "I feel like I can be more myself than I have ever been and enjoying every minute of that at home or at work. I am embracing life to the fullest."
Since writing her story, Diane has received more than 300 e-mails, many from readers who say they have never written before.
One praised her for helping her better understand in "a more real and compassionate way."
"I am an educated person and quite liberal, but while superficially being accepting, have found the transsexual issue rather difficult to absorb," she wrote. "I am sure it took a lot of courage, and I applaud you and want you to know that you most certainly contributed to the world in a very positive way."
Diane said she feels a "deep gratitude" for how they have sustained their marriage, but would never suggest their decision be right for everyone.
"You have to be open-minded and not fixate on what other people think," said Diane. "And have a strong sense of self, and some degree of flexibility. "
"Look at the person who is transitioning as a human being and try to understand their side of it and don't look at them as a monster," she advised others in a similar situation. "If I had love in the beginning, I still have it."
For more information and support go to:
Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund.
National Center for Transgender Equality
Human Rights Campaign
PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/transgender-love-husband-transi tions-wife/story?id=14280850
http://tinyurl.com/3epcuru
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| | Topic: Optimist? Pessimist? |
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| | Topic: Patient folders from VUmc for young transsexuals |
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| | Topic: Having a good cry |
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| Having a good cry [message #103162] |
Sat, 05 June 2010 19:55 |
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I just watched The lovely Bones for the first time, dear Lord what an emotional roller coaster ride. I have not cried this deeply for quite a while.
What movies bring you to tears, yet you watch them over and over again?
What Dreams May Come does every time.
sighs...
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| | Topic: Industrial Silacone Pumping |
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| Industrial Silacone Pumping [message #102127] |
Sun, 30 May 2010 08:20 |
Anonymous  |
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Who sick in one's mind and desperate can a person get that they would do such a thing?
Being born gender dysphoric is not a mental illness, but the risks and and extreme behavior that some exhibit to mutate their body, well, that is where the mental illness comes into the picture.
sighs in great sadness...
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| | Topic: A request |
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| A request [message #99007] |
Sat, 01 May 2010 05:00 |
Hilary  Messages: 5534 Registered: October 2007 Location: 2, Camberwick Green, Trum... |
Senior Member BL Administrator (Retired) BL3d |
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We have been approached by a researcher looking for volunteers who meet the following criteria:
1) Only Male to Female participants are being recruited.
2) Participants are required to be 30 years old or above.
3) Participants must have undergone gender reassignment already at least 5 years previously.
As always, BL advises caution in these matters. We have done what we can to verify that these people and courses are for real, but cannot be held responsible for misrepresentations.
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My name is Anna Wachowska, I am a third year Psychology student at Thames Valley University in London.
I am currently recruiting participants for the research project tittled: Within The Frames of Transsexual Identity - Qualitative Exploration of Gender Consciousness, Gender Identity Formation and Gender Embodiment.
The study has been approved by TVU Departmental Ethics Comittee and obtained ethical clearance on the 29rd of March 2010.
The study is Psychology dissertation project and is conducted for educational purposes only.
I am writing to you as I wish to ask whether you would be able to offer me some form of assistance or advice in terms of finding participants for current study? Any help would be highly appreciated.
Below, as well as attached file, you shall find detailed information about the study and its aims. That includes Info Sheet for participants and Consent Form.
I am looking forward to hearing from you in due course,
Yours Sincerely,
Anna Wachowska
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RESEARCH STUDY
INFORMATION SHEET for Participants
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CONSENT FORM
Title of Project: Within The Frames of Transsexual Identity - Qualitative Exploration of Gender Consciousness, Gender Identity Formation and Gender Embodiment.
Name of Researcher: Anna Wachowska
You are asked to participate in a research study conducted by Anna Wachowska, who is an undergraduate student in Bsc(Hons) Psychology (Faculty of Health and Human Sciences) at Thames Valley University.
Taking into consideration research's aims and its methodological concerns:-
1) Only Male to Female participants are being recruited.
2) Participants are required to be 30 years old or above.
3) Participants must have undergone gender reassignment already at least 5 years previously.
If you have any questions or concerns about the research, please feel free to contact Anna Wachowska via email address: - wachowska@yahoo.co.uk
Or via telephone number 07929264720.
PURPOSE OF THE STUDY
The broad goal of this research study is to explore how transsexual individuals experience and view their body and their gender identity throughout life-course issues.
The study is Psychology dissertation project and is conducted for educational purposes only.
PROCEDURES
Estimated start date: April/May 2010
Estimated duration of the project: April 2010 - December 2010
A qualitative approach is proposed for this study. The theoretical perspective most often associated with qualitative research is phenomenology which seeks to understand meanings in human interactions and events. Qualitative design aims to study the subjective objectively.
If you volunteer to participate in this study, I would ask you to answer approximately seven questions.
The interviews will be face to face, informal, open-ended and carried out in a conversational style. Length of time for participation is difficult to estimate as it will depend on participants.
All interviews will be audio- recorded in order to be transcribed and analyzed inductively, (see: CONFIDENTIALITY section below)
Questions will focus on issues related to social interactions, self-definition, well-being and quality of life.
Preferable location for the interview will be in a building of a transgender/transsexual organisation or support group via which participants are recruited.
Participants will be provided with a brief explanation of the study at the end of their participation.
Research findings will be available to participants on request in December 2010.
POTENTIAL RISKS AND DISCOMFORTS
It is anticipated that there will be no any realistic risk of participants experiencing psychological or physiological distress.
POTENTIAL BENEFITS TO PARTICIPANTS AND/OR TO SOCIETY
What may be seen as a potential benefit is that the study provides participants with an opportunity to express and share their experiences.
Literature has provided limited insight into issues of gender identity formation and gender embodiment among transsexual individuals and this study is hoped to enhance such knowledge by focusing on individuals' subjective experiences in the light of social construct and social influences.
PAYMENT FOR PARTICIPATION
Participation in this research is not subject to any payments.
CONFIDENTIALITY
Every effort will be made to ensure confidentiality of any identifying information that is obtained in connection with this study.
All interviews will be audio- recorded in order to be transcribed and analyzed inductively. Participants will have the right to review and edit the tapes of transcripts at any time. Data will be used for educational purposes only; tapes will be erased shortly after transcription process is completed.
Participants' names will not be linked with the research materials. All data will be treated with full confidentiality and even if published will not be identifiable.
PARTICIPATION AND WITHDRAWAL
You can choose whether to be in this study or not. If you volunteer to be in this study, you may withdraw for any reason at any time without consequences of any kind. You may exercise the option of removing your data from the study. You may also refuse to answer any questions you do not want to answer and still remain in the study.
RIGHTS OF RESEARCH PARTICIPANTS
You may withdraw your consent and discontinue participation at any time of the study. This study has been reviewed and received ethics clearance through the Thames Valley University Departmental Ethics Committee.
If you have questions regarding your rights as a research participant or if you have any comments or concerns about the ethics procedures employed in this study, you can contact researcher's supervisor at TVU-Victoria Guitierrez via e-mail: VictoriaGuitierrez@tvu.ac.uk
CONSENT FORM
SIGNATURE OF RESEARCH PARTICIPANT
Please tick to confirm
I have read the information provided for the study Within the Frames of Transsexual Identity - Qualitative Exploration of Gender Consciousness, Gender Identity Formation and Gender Embodiment as described herein.
I have had the opportunity to consider the information, ask questions and have had these answered satisfactorily.
I understand that my participation is voluntary and that I am free to withdraw at any time without giving any reason.
I have been given a copy of this form.
I agree to take part in the above research study.
______________________________________
Name of Participant (please print)
____________________
Signature of Participant
__________________
DATE
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| | Topic: Dr. Marcie Bowers to speak in Tulsa on Friday evening. |
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| Dr. Marcie Bowers to speak in Tulsa on Friday evening. [message #97138] |
Tue, 13 April 2010 08:20 |
CarolynnL  Messages: 1737 Registered: October 2007 Location: Central Time Zone |
Senior Member Comedy Club Manager |
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Dr. Marcie Bowers (the famous SRS surgeon from Trinidad, Colorado) will speak in Tulsa on Friday. I thought that I would post it here just in case someone in the Oklahoma, Arkansas or Kansas area reading or lurking on the board might be interested. Dr. Bowers will speak at the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center this coming Friday, April 16th at 8:00 pm. The center is located in downtown Tulsa at 621 East 4th Street.
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| | Topic: My own site |
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| My own site [message #66573] |
Sun, 06 September 2009 11:30 |
JoannaM  Messages: 168 Registered: April 2009 Location: Socorro, New Mexico |
Senior Member |
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http://joanna.thepumas.net/forum
basically a small startup right now. Open to all members of the spetrum, fully moderated to make it more difficutlt for prevs and naredowells to harass our memebers.
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| | Topic: A letter to my friend |
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| A letter to my friend [message #40605] |
Tue, 09 September 2008 15:41 |
Anonymous  |
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The following is a letter I wrote to my friend. I share it because I think the subject speaks to us all. It also raises issues about leading blended vs. open lives, and just what reality awaits for us. Some statements you will disagree with. I left them in anyway, so you can see the whole letter.
FYI, I am post-op and live a largely blended life, and recently had someone from my past appear to maliciously wreak havoc in my present. The person is a woman who was attracted to me as a man -- which in my life were often the people least accepting of my transition. Here is the letter:
Yeah, you were 100% right: anything said by [Jane Doe] shouldn't bother me. That's absolutely correct and I agree. It "shouldn't." It totally should not. I mean, in a perfect world, we would all be immune to the slings and arrows of others. No one would be bothered by anyone else's words or deeds. But no matter how desirable that would be, that's not the world I actually live in. I'm not a perfect enough person to be unaffected by [Jane]'s words and deeds. Oh, most of what she says ... doesn't bother me one bit. But this thing about attacking me as a human being, denying me equal human status, that does bother me. "Should" it? I don't know. It's easy to say no, but in some ways, I think it definitely should.
Let's face it, we don't like to admit it out loud, but I am a member of an oppressed minority. I know we like to talk about how I'm not, and functionally I am doing my best to be just another woman. But in real world terms my relative lack of current oppression has everything to do with my success at hiding the cues of my minority status, and not from any great strides by humanity in recognizing me as "real." And while we can all cheerfully agree that I am "simply a real woman," and no longer a "transwoman," there are about six billion people walking the earth today who would disagree with us if they read me. Some would disagree to the point of murder and obliteration. And that is a reality I can't ignore. [Jane] is one of those people, and since she arrived from the past I can't "hide" my status from her.
Crimes against transwomen are on the rise, which is due to our increased visibility. We can't be immune from the hatred, we can only hide ourselves from it. When we are discovered, we make people uncomfortable...we pull the rug out from under people's assumptions. We're catalysts for a changed paradigm, and most people don't want to change their views of the world. They'd rather kill the catalyst, obliterate it. And when transwomen are killed, they are not simply shot or stabbed, their faces and bodies are mutilated in an attempt to erase their humanity. That is a reflection of how people feel, even in 2008, and that is the silent reality I live with that I can never discuss. I don't think we can stop the people from feeling that way. I think we can only hide when we can, and stand up for ourselves when we are confronted with it.
Aside from the very palpable shame and damage to our sense of self that is caused by haters, failing to stand up for ourselves when confronted with hate simply emboldens the haters. If I can go this far, they wonder, how much farther might I be able to go? Some go as far as killing and mutilating. Others take more hidden actions against us: denying us jobs, spitting in our restaurant food, puncturing our tires, excluding us from groups and snickering behind our backs.
[Jane Doe] is a symbol of the hidden hatred that is all around me. If I didn't pass well – if I looked and talked like [name deleted], for instance – I could see and feel that hatred on a daily basis if I were aware enough. And even when I did not see it, even when good and decent people encountered me, the discomfort would still be there. When we don't blend in well, we make people uncomfortable, sometimes enough to turn them to rage and an attempt to obliterate us in order to save their concept of an orderly world.
[Jane Doe] is doing what she can to obliterate me. If she was the killing kind of person, I have no doubt that she would kill me. She would not just end my life, she would smash my face with a rock until it was nothing but a pile of red mush, unrecognizable as a human being. She would dismember me, cutting off the offending parts, and obliterate them, as well.
That's what [Jane] means to me: the person who would obliterate my humanity from the face of the earth. If you think that is an exaggeration, I say you're wrong. It is exactly what she would do literally if she could bring herself to, and is what she is trying to do figuratively and functionally, instead. [Jane] is the face of hate in my life.
I understand that there are possible hidden consequences to sending the letter I wanted to send. You are wise to caution me that it is risky to poke a grizzly bear, even when you think it can't reach you. If the bear is sufficiently motivated, you might find that it discovers a way to get at you. And so, despite the strong desire to stand up for myself and give her as good as she gives me, I demur.
And that leaves the effects of hatred poured all over me like sticky honey. Covering me. Difficult to get off. Making me feel dirty. And it evokes the feelings of all the people in my transitioning past who have ever hated me for who I am: The man who raped and beat me. My parents. My brother. My ex. [My customers] who left me and complained about me. The teens in the gas station who yelled threats and threw beer bottles at me, and scared the shit out of me. The many people who stared and snickered. The waiter who made a point of calling me "sir." The religious nuts who said I am an abomination before God and who threatened me with eternal torture. The politicians who want to take away what few rights I have. The jokes we transwomen are made of on TV. And the asshats in the [organization]. All these things are real. All these things inflicted a collective hurt that lingers, even though I really, really, really want to be able to wish the hurt away, just like people suggest. "Just don't let it bother you. What do you care what they think?" (Sigh...) If only I could. You have no idea how badly I want to be able to do that.
You may discount those things I mentioned. You may believe them unimportant or unworthy of acknowledging, or simply drama from the past. But their effects are real and unavoidable for me, as is the case for each one of us who have undertaken this path. I am one of the lucky ones. For me, all that stuff means only emotional remnants, and those relatively minor. But for 75% of us, it means chronic unemployment. Uncounted numbers of us suffer neuroses and psychiatric disabilities because of it. A third of us are killed or take our own lives. The vast majority of us suffer marginalization and varying levels of exclusion from the mass of society. And there are many other effects. I could not run for political office if I wanted to. Because I don't think I "pass" (i.e., "hide") flawlessly, there are hundreds of jobs I could not hold. (There goes my career as a weather bimbo on the local news!) And as much as I try to carve myself out from the collective of transwomen, when I think of them I realize that there, but for the grace of god, go I.
And so, when caution and fear command that I not stand up to [Jane Doe], I am left with little outlet for my hurt and rage, save for a ceremonial blood-letting with someone who knows and understands. A shared event of meaning, like a wedding or a funeral or a church service. Or perhaps more like an exorcism. A chance to rail together and shake our fists at the air, to give the evil a name and to give it voice and recognition. To shake it loose from inside, and send it out into the universe where it can no longer do me harm. A ceremonial venting.
So that's what I was going for. But it was brought up short in the form of loving but premature advice to "get over it" being poured on my vent like cold water. I get that not everyone understands or enjoys this process, and that you may be one of them. Some don't see the need for it; some see it as a waste of time and energy. Some don't understand why the person in need can't just cut to the chase and do the "obvious" healing thing. I'm not sure where you stand, but you certainly do not see the same necessity for it that I do. People all over the planet seek the process out, though, for myriad reasons, from a bad day at work, to break-ups, to murders, so I'm pretty sure there is some validity to my feeling of need.
I actually don't disagree with you about sending the letter. I don't see the potential harm, but I recognize that there could be some somewhere that I don't see, and I acknowledge the wisdom of your caution, even if it seems to go against everything you've told me about standing up for myself. I'm not disagreeing with you. I accept the truth of what you said, or at least the wisdom of it. I accept it even if I don't like it. You convinced me, and that's why I deleted my letter and didn't save it.
So, you see, I listen to you. I didn't get angry because you said things I didn't agree with. I agreed with you, albeit reluctantly about the letter. And the proof of that agreement is that I deleted my letter when I could have saved it or sent it. You did, in fact, convince me. And I absolutely agree with you that I shouldn't let [Jane] bother me. Believe it or not, that concept wasn't new to me last night, and I was not shying from it. I want very much to feel as you say I should feel. My inability to do so may be a failure on my part, but it is not to ignore you, or disagree with you, or be angry with you. I do agree that doing that would be a wonderful resolution. Absolutely. I'm just not sure how to get there from here without going through the venting process. But I heard you, and I agree with you.
Anyway, I just thought you should know that I agree with you, I heard you, and I was just looking to vent.
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| | Topic: Introducing Queers United |
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| Introducing Queers United [message #40351] |
Fri, 05 September 2008 10:37 |
Anonymous  |
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As a trans and Queer activist I want to say hello and take the opportunity to share my activist site Queers United with you all.
http://www.queersunited.blogspot.com
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| | Topic: A Movie About Trinidad, CO |
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| A Movie About Trinidad, CO [message #39855] |
Fri, 29 August 2008 06:37 |
CarolynnL  Messages: 1737 Registered: October 2007 Location: Central Time Zone |
Senior Member Comedy Club Manager |
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US - Film - "Trinidad" - A fascinating visit to the 'sex change
capital of the world...' [2008-08-28 Austin 360]
http://www.austin360.com/movies/content/movies/stories/2008/ 08/0829agliff.html
A fascinating visit to the 'sex change capital of the world'
In their documentary 'Trinidad,' Austin filmmakers PJ Raval and Jay
Hodges look at Colorado's transsexual underground that is very much
above ground
By Chris Garcia
AMERICAN-STATESMAN FILM WRITER
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Gracefully does the small town of Trinidad, Colo., wear its title as
the "sex change capital of the world." It's a fact of life, taken
with a shrug here, the random wrinkled nose there. Mostly, the
population of 9,000 coolly accepts the designation with even,
perhaps, a ray of pride.
File the phenomenon under: "When very progressive things happen to
small rural towns."
It began when a Dr. Stanley Biber conducted the area's first genital
reassignment surgery in 1969 and took off from there. In 2003, after
performing almost 6,000 sex-change operations, Biber, then 80, handed
over his practice to Dr. Marci Bowers. Marci used to be Mark, and she
became the first transgender surgeon to perform these operations.
Two of her patients are Laura and Sabrina, and the three of them and
their captivating life dramas are the focus of Austin filmmakers PJ
Raval and Jay Hodges' documentary "Trinidad," which screens Thursday
at the Alamo Ritz during the Austin Gay and Lesbian International
Film Festival. The festival runs Wednesday through Sept. 7.
Avoiding "before and after" sensationalism — part of a sex-change
operation is tastefully depicted — Raval and Hodges trace the women's
personal stories with curiosity and sensitivity, using quaint, rural
Trinidad as a mountain-girdled backdrop. As in any documentary worth
its video stock, universality about the human condition is the
subtext of "Trinidad."
"It makes (viewers) think about their own lives, if they're living on
their own terms and really expressing who they are," Raval says. "If
anything, it will give them the courage to be who they are."
The film's directors met five years ago as co-workers at Cinematexas.
While Hodges is new to filmmaking, Raval has cultivated a long résumé
that's made him something of an Austin film star. He's best known as
the cinematographer on the features "Room" and "The Cassidy Kids" and
the recent Sundance Film Festival documentary winner "Trouble the
Water." He also shot "Trinidad."
Much of the crew on "Trinidad" boasts strong local connections,
including editor Kyle Henry (the director of "Room") and executive
producer Matt Dentler (former South by Southwest Film producer).
Hodges and Raval express breathless gratitude to the Austin Film
Society, City of Austin, AGLIFF and fellow filmmakers for aiding the
production.
"It's about a town in Colorado, but it's really an Austin film,"
Raval says.
Earlier this summer, "Trinidad" enjoyed a well-received world
premiere at the Los Angeles Film Festival, followed by screenings at
Outfest. (Raval says they're negotiating for a distribution deal.)
Playing it for Austin is something else, though. It's a homecoming.
American-Statesman: Why Trinidad?
Hodges: We heard about Trinidad at a dinner party from a psychologist
of one of the patients there, because patients have to go through a
year of psychological evaluation to make sure they really identify as
a transgender. We were like, "Wow, there's this town in the middle of
nowhere with tons of transsexuals in it?" It was built up with all
this mythology created around it.
Raval: It sounded like a town where you walk down the street and
there's transgender women everywhere. We saw articles that made
claims that there were size-12 pumps in all the stores and lots of
big women clothing stores all over.
Was there a lot of de-mystification once you got there?
Raval: Absolutely.
Hodges: We contacted Marci Bowers, the main surgeon in the film, and
she invited us out to check it out and to talk in person. Our first
trip was about five days in 2004.
Raval: It was initially a "research trip," but we brought our cameras
and started shooting a little bit, met people and got the feel for
the town. What interested us is that there really is this universal
idea of acceptance and self-expression, which is something everyone
goes through. This is just a particular form of it.
Hodges: Usually this subject is treated voyeuristically.
Raval: We were coming at it as personal stories, portraits of these
women and what they've gone through to express who they are.
Hodges: We shot over two and a half years and spent about four months
out there, so we really got to know the characters, and they opened
up to us and let us in.
With the pickups, strong religious foundation and cowboy culture,
there seem to be parallels between Trinidad and, say, any small town
in Texas. Except, of course, for the transgender population.
Hodges: I grew up partly in West Texas and I was, like, "There's no
way this could possibly happen there!" But it's been part of
Trinidad's landscape for more than 30 years.
Raval: It's a small town and everyone has a stereotype about a small
town, especially in America. That intrigued us. It defied the
stereotype of small-town America. Generally you think of that as very
conservative, very unaccepting.
Yet you show that side of the town in the film. Some of the interview
subjects express distaste.
Raval: The question is: Can people coexist? And they do. That's what
we set out to explore. Fine, we meet these people who say they're
very religious and have a very specific value system. But does that
mean they're going to actively impose their thoughts on someone else
in the town? For the most part they don't. They're respectful.
Hodges: It's "live and let live." We heard that a lot: "Trinidad's a
live and let live place."
Raval: "To each their own." "Who's to say?" We heard that one a lot,
too.
What did you learn about people and life making the film? Any
epiphanies?
Hodges: That my problems are really minor. (Laughs) I learned a lot
of confidence from the women. They're incredibly strong people who've
been through a lot. Look at Sabrina, who's been knocked down time
after time. But she's still great, happy and confident.
Raval: They're incredible women who inspire both of us. They really
know who they are and are committed to finding out who they are. They
understand what the consequences are, but they also understand the
importance of expressing yourself and being true to yourself.
Something that's a little sad is how most of the transgender patients
are deep into middle-age and only now fulfilling their dream of
complete transformation.
Raval: I think that all of them tried for several years to suppress
what was in them.
Hodges: Sabrina actually says in the film that when she met her wife,
she told her she was a cross-dresser. It became more of an identity
issue, not just something she did on the side.
Raval: They come from a different age and generation. Transsexual and
transgender issues are at the forefront now. You can read about kids
who are 12 or 13 who identify themselves like that. There's a greater
understanding of it, and people like Marci, Laura and Sabrina are out
there educating people. That's something we're hoping to do with the
documentary. Transgenders are part of every community. All the women
in the movie were fathers, husbands, brothers. It's not like a small
community tucked away somewhere. This is someone you might actually
know.
'Trinidad'
SCREENING
'Trinidad' screens at 8 p.m. Thursday at the Alamo Ritz (320 E. Sixth
St.). Directors Jay Hodges, below left, and PJ Raval will be there.
The 21st annual Austin Gay and Lesbian International Film Festival
When: Wednesday through Sept. 7
Where: Alamo Ritz, 320 E. Sixth St.
Cost: $10 per movie; all-access badges and film passes are also
available
Information: www.agliff.org
--
Copyright 2008 The Austin American-Statesman.
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| | Topic: Thank You! |
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| Thank You! [message #37025] |
Tue, 22 July 2008 19:34 |
Derrie  Messages: 20234 Registered: October 2007 |
Senior Member BL3D First Officer |
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Well......the New Beginnings page finally got a little action.
About time.
Ok Peps....we need to keep a little action going on out here.
It's our "Face" on the web......
There are people out there seeking answers.....
WE have them.
Let's get their attention.
If YOU are new to this site.....stick around.
Questions? Stress? Anxiety? This is the place to find comfort..
This is where I found hope.....you can to.
Show Up
Don't Worry
Bring Your Sense of Humor!
[Updated on: Fri, 23 April 2010 10:17]
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| | Topic: Rebirth: A Transgendering Surgery Creates a New Life |
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| Rebirth: A Transgendering Surgery Creates a New Life [message #34860] |
Fri, 20 June 2008 16:59 |
Anonymous  |
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If you like astrology, you may be interested in this:
http://ayurastro.com/astrology/?p=28
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| | Topic: Pie Jesu Domine, Dona eis requiem. |
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| | Topic: Being whom but just being you thats what it's all about ? |
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| Being whom but just being you thats what it's all about ? [message #23315] |
Mon, 17 March 2008 17:45 |
Diana  Messages: 1089 Registered: October 2007 Location: Colorado |
Senior Member BL3D BLF Moderator |
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How do you feel about yourself?
How do you feel about others?
Really do you really care and you should?
What do you feel about life in general?
I'd Like To Teach the World To Sing (In Perfect Harmony)
The New Seekers
You know are you hiding within yourself I know I did for many years so now its time to come out and celebrate but for everyone so enjoy be apart of everyone both new and old and that includes you!!!
I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love!!!!!!
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves!!!!!
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony!!!!!
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company
I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And hear them echo through the hills "Ah, peace throughout the land"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(That's the song I hear)
I'd like to teach the world to sing (that the world sings today)
In perfect harmony
(Lead singer and background singers singing simultaneously)
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
Id like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves
Sorry but it is the real thing about what but all of us so lets all just love and be caring about one and everyone!!!!
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| | Topic: A pointed reminder |
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| A pointed reminder [message #3400] |
Wed, 07 November 2007 15:54 |
Nicole_Joy  Messages: 430 Registered: October 2007 Location: Detroit, Michigan, USA |
Senior Member |
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About three months ago, an author at BigCloset-Topshelf was killed in an accident. Monday, her partner/spouse posted a question to the site, trying to understand.
The post, plus some on-line responses, is here.
It's a pointed reminder that letting family know what we're struggling with is important.
And yes, I'm putting myself on the "Talk to them, silly girl!" list.
Nicole Joy
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